If You Do Not Fill Out Your Course Evaluation, I Will Unilaterally Wage Jihad (By Your Professor)

Greetings all,

It’s me, your professor, from the class you probably hate. Just sending out a quick reminder to those of you who haven’t already to please submit your course evaluations before May 12th. As an incentive, I am offering up the proposal that if you infidels don’t fucking fill out your course eval, I will literally wage jihad on you personally.

Course evaluations are valuable resources for the GSIs and I to structure this class for future students. Please keep in mind that if you don’t fill out your course evaluation on time, I will resort to the use of paramilitary actions in order to compel you to complete your evaluation. I will personally issue a fatwā against you and demand that you submit to the will of the caliphate.

As an academic note, while the word ‘jihad’ has traditionally borne a connotation with religious warfare as presented in the Hadith, the Qu’ran itself simply defines ‘jihad’ as any kind of religious struggle; though the modern interpretation of jihad is largely perceived as militarily-based, its foundation may in actuality lie within a struggle of intellectual debate or persuasion. I realize that my implicit association of the concept of jihad with the acts of political violence I will definitely inflict on you if you don’t fill out your course evaluation has the ultimate effect of fostering links between Islam and terrorism. As you have guessed, I don’t care, because I am Islamophobic.

Thanks!

All the best,

Your Professor