BERKELEY, Calif. – With the beginning of the school year going virtual and racial tensions higher than ever after Berkeley’s Panhellenic Community reposted pastel pictures with bubbly letters spelling out D-I-V-E-R-S-I-T-Y, the Greeks finally came up with a grand solution to the lack of Colors of the World crayons in their box called KKG: Blind Rush.

There were high hopes for this solution. “Hi ladies, welcome to Fall Primary Recruitment 2020 and our first Blind Rush ever! We’re doing this Blind, which means your personality is the only thing that matters to us,” PHC President Becky Rejessica yelled enthusiastically to 500 black squares on her laptop.

“Let’s talk a little bit about some changes to our process. Change #1: In the past, the PHC has called our rushees ‘Potential New Members,’ or PNMs. This year, we are calling them ‘Potentially Diverse New Members,’ or PDNMs. We want to remind everyone that this is an inclusive environment, and we want to make sure that our diverse members feel included at all times.”

“Change #2: We are disbanding the use of the word ‘Greek.’ We understand that this was extremely insensitive to many of our sisters, as not everyone’s ancestral history leads back to ancient Greece. Instead, we’ll be using the term ‘Pangaea.’ We hope that this change will reflect our commitment to all bodies of land relevant to our sisters.”

Although these changes were promising, unfortunately, this solution didn’t pan out for all of our Pangaeic sisters. In fact, some have even referenced it to be comparable to “a hot mess, inside a dumpster fire, inside a train wreck.”

“Everything was going great until Bid Day. When our PDNMs finally turned on their cameras, we were shocked. I don’t know how to explain it, but the vibes were just off. I really don’t know what it is. I just don’t see myself being sisters with the new class,” KKG’s Recruitment Chair Janette said.

“I was going to pick up this semester, but I don’t think I’ll click with any of the girls anymore,” KKG’s VP of Diversity and Inclusion said. “Hopefully I can find a little during COB.”

The UC Berkeley Kappa Kappa Gamma Pi Deuteron Chapter did not comment.

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