BERKELEY, Calif. – After voluntarily leaving Season 16 of The Bachelorette due to his high personal standards for classy women, D-list celebrity Yosef Aborady recently joined the BerkeleyHaas staff as a guest lecturer for UGBA 169: Introduction to Class.
“First of all, women don’t matter. I don’t give a shit about that feminism crap; in fact, never in a million years would I buy any of it. The only thing I’d buy in this classless hippie city is El Burrito, which might be the finest display of an establishment of masculine-themed Mexican cuisine built upon the fundamental principles of meninism. You want to start a business? Learn from El Burrito,” Aborady said in his Alabamian accent.
“I’m actually working at a startup funded by Berkeley Skydeck’s Accelerator Program that sells boxed Mommy Milk for immature baby men. What do you think?” Shannon Hill (BerkeleyHaas ‘22) asked.
“Let me continue,” Aborady said. “Men at UC Berkeley need to start respecting themselves. Last lecture, I witnessed multiple students running past their screens naked for what my UGSI later told me was a ‘pre-dead-week nude run.’ Ladies — continue what you’re doing, and send me your Instagram handle as a private message. Boys — that is incredibly humiliating and degrading. I expected a lot more from the #1 Public University, and I’m ashamed to be associated with you. I can’t believe I sacrificed so much to be here just to watch this distasteful, classless display,” he continued as he stormed out the stage door of Cheit Hall’s Wells Fargo room. “Remember, you’re almost #2,” he yelled from outside.
Unfortunately, guest lecturer Yosef Aborady will no longer be teaching this section of the course. If anyone has any other recommendations for guest lecturers, please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank you.