BERKELEY, Calif. – After months of prospective ASUC* runners campaigning and simply being annoying as fuck, John Doe from the ASUC* Elections Council has leaked the election results to The Free Peach. Here are the results:

President: Silly Goose

Executive Vice President: Furry Boi

Academic Affairs Vice President: Carol Christ

External Affairs Vice President: Pete Davidson

Student Advocate: X Æ A-12

Transfer Student Representative: Bryce Hall

ASUC Senate: 

Rupi Kaur (Student Action) — 418

John Briginshaw (Independent)** — 418

Millie Bobby Brown (Independent) — 418

Amanda Mier (Independent) — 418

Doja Cat (Student Action) — 418

Jack Ma (Student Action) — 418

Stormi Webster (Student Action) — 418

Emma Chamberlain (Student Action) — 418

Martha Olney (Independent) — 418

Marc Fischer (Student Action) — 418

Anthony S. Fauci (Independent) — 418

Ms. Frizzle (Independent) — 418

Gill from Finding Nemo (Independent)** — 418

Miranda Cosgrove (Student Action) — 418

Noah Centineo (Independent) — 378.3

Greta Thunberg (Student Action) — 368.2

Courage the Cowardly Dog (Independent)** — 351.4

Malia Obama (Independent)** — 343

“Hell Yeah” guy (Independent) — 309.9

Major Biden (Independent) — 291.6


*All titles for identification purposes only.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.