“Oh, you want to know more about NFT’s?” former Haas student Sasha Arnold asked. “Yeah, they’re this up-and-coming, super low-key, niche thing that’s happening in the blockchain community. Yeah, you probably haven’t heard about it, like, it’s really up-and-coming, still in its early stages, if you know you know, but I really just see it as a long-term investment. Oh, wait, sorry, so rude of me not to ask, do you want a high-level explanation of what blockchain is?”
10 Things To Do During the 10 Minutes of Sexual Tension While Waiting for the 51B Across from Trader Joe’s
You do your usual business, wink back at the cashier, then make your way back to the bus stop on University Avenue. Your heart drops when you see four other twenty-something-year-olds wearing the same TJ’s tote bags by the same bus stop, all looking down on their phones. You arrive, and the sexual tension rises. Sound familiar?
Girlboss! White Girl Upsells Her Vintage Y2K ‘Gua Sha’ on Depop
BERKELEY, Calif. In yet another win for women everywhere, freshman Camila Reefs has just sold her third ‘NWT Vintage Y2K Jade Gua Sha’ on Depop! …
ASUC Election Results Leaked
BERKELEY, Calif. – After months of prospective ASUC* runners campaigning and simply being annoying as fuck, John Doe from the ASUC* Elections Council has leaked …
Newly-Admitted Haas Students Organize Giant Celebratory Zoom Circle Jerk on Google Calendar
“It’s really about Questioning the Status Quo. Since we already cyber-bully each other — anonymously, of course — and pick-and-choose who we cheat with, who’s to say that we shouldn’t be open to a greater range of emotions and explore something other than the sticks up our asses?”
UC Berkeley Announces Phase Allocation of COVID-19 Vaccine to be Determined by SAT Score
BERKELEY, Calif. – Amid self-sequester mandates in UC Berkeley residence halls and an increase in UCPD presence to limit the spread of COVID-19, the university …
Bunny Think Why Oozma Kappa Still Throw Party Hmm?
I am Bunny. Bunny ouch. Bunny want play outside with Bunny friend. Mom stay inside keep Bunny and friend safe. Bunny settle upstairs couch with …
Frat Bros Adopt Strict Raw Diet So Girls Will Bark At Them Too
“And that’s when it clicked — it wasn’t my comments on their bodies that were fucking me over, it was my lack of proper nourishment.”
Yosef from the Bachelorette Teaches Haas Students How to Have Class
BERKELEY, Calif. – After voluntarily leaving Season 16 of The Bachelorette due to his high personal standards for classy women, D-list celebrity Yosef Aborady recently …
UC Berkeley Gives Alleged Sexual Assailants Priority Registration Because They’d Do the Same If It Was Their Son
BERKELEY, Calif. – Following revelations about multiple sexual assault allegations, UC Berkeley officials announced that sexual perpetrators would receive priority registration because they’d “do the …