[THE 4TH CIRCLE OF HELL, BERKELEY Calif] – Passerbys were stunned earlier today as Haas freshman James “Money Man” Niani stood motionless outside a stunning …
The Free Peach’s Pope Endorsements
VATICAN CITY – After the passing of the first non-European pope, Pope Francis, the Vatican has begun the search for his replacement. As a satirical …
Glade at Capacity: ‘IF YOU DON’T HAVE A BID YOU’RE NOT GETTING IN’
THE RESTING SPOT OF THE MASSES – CA At 4:20 AM, a wave of shock rattled the Berkeley community as the glade reached full capacity. …
Python Commits Ritual Suicide After Attempting to Run 61A Midterm Code
A DIMLY LIT SODA HALL 320 – Tears and cries surrounded the halls of Berkeley early Wednesday morning. CS students and professors alike mourned the …
‘Trump Just Runs the Economy Better,’ Says Man Who Failed Econ 1
AN AMERICA THAT’S GETTING GREATER BY THE SECOND – Confidence was in the air as Jeremy Smith waltzed out of his first Econ 1 class …
Expert Breakdown on Tsunami Given by Frat Guy Who Went to One Earthquakes Lecture
ATLANTIS [Formerly Berkeley, California] – Tensions were high at Rich Lyon’s emergency press conference to discuss the tsunami and the potential ramifications on the city …
Kid Who Coughed During Midterm Burned at the Stake
BERKELEY, Calif. – At noon on Friday, April 26th, students gathered in front of Doe Library for Berkeley’s 4th-weirdest event, the burning of Kian Hess, …
UC Berkeley to Offer People’s Park Shipping Containers as Temporary Luxury Condos
BERKELEY, Calif. – On Tuesday, Feb 12, UC Berkeley’s housing director, Glen DeGuzmann announced the school’s latest project, “The Wall,” temporarily offering luxury condos inside …