BERKELEY, Calif. – The time is 11:37 am. Lecture started at 11:10. Your sweat has finally dried from sprinting to get the iClicker when the …
Friend Shows You Real-Life “Ghost” by Blowing Vape Smoke in Your Face
YOUR APARTMENT, Halloween – It was the night of Halloween, and all through the house. Not a creature was stirring, not even– what the hell …
White Girl Claims Amazon Corset as Cultural Garb
ANY COLLEGE IN AMERICA, USA — With Halloween fast approaching, young men and women all over the country are putting the finishing touches on their …
Amazon Locker Going on Lockdown After Halloweekend
BERKELEY, Calif.—The Amazon Locker facility located within the MLK Student Union has announced that it will be on lockdown in the week following Halloween, with …
3rd Amendment Strikes Again: ROTC Guy Gets No Bids
BERKELEY, Calif. – After newfound threats to constitutional democracy, protectors have come from an unlikely place — frat houses. They have become significantly more strict …
Confession: It Was Me Who Farted on Moffitt Hush Floor
When I’m at Moffitt, the world around me ceases to exist. As I drift into an overdue stats assignment, I blend into one of the …
‘Princess and the Frog’ GONE WRONG: Creature I Kissed Still Fugly and Broke
Look. It was dark. I was newly single. I’d had one too many Vodka Red Bulls. And by one too many… I mean just …
Stench of RSF Weight Room Attributed to Lethal Pathogen “Gymbrostink”
BERKELEY, Calif.— After decades upon decades of investigation into the smell of the Recreational Sports Facility (RSF) Weight Room, A team of UC Berkeley Chemists …
UC Berkeley Celebrates Ranking As #1 Producer Of Startups Most Likely To End Humanity
BERKELEY, Calif. — Pitchbook recently released the 2026 rankings of universities by how many startups their graduates have founded. UC Berkeley tops the list for …
OPINION: If You Don’t Say Grace Before Eating Ass, You’re Not A Christian
The Bible says to give thanks for your daily bread. It says nothing about daily cake, but I’m not taking any chances. In the words …