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Posted on March 6, 2021 by: The Free Peach

Vegan Co-Op Enjoys Delicious Meal of Quinoa, Beans, Quinoa, and Also Whip-Its

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Posted on March 6, 2021 by: The Free Peach

Vegan Co-Op Enjoys Delicious Meal of Quinoa, Beans, Quinoa, and Also Whip-Its

BERKELEY, Calif. – The vegan student cooperative house prepared an excellent meal the other night consisting of a quinoa salad appetizer and a quinoa bean …

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Posted on March 5, 2021 by: The Free Peach

Cthulu Sits On Campanile, Likes It

As he flailed he braced for pain, but was pleasantly surprised that the feeling of the Campanile in his rectum incredibly good. 

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Posted on March 4, 2021 by: The Free Peach

Newly-Admitted Haas Students Organize Giant Celebratory Zoom Circle Jerk on Google Calendar

“It’s really about Questioning the Status Quo. Since we already cyber-bully each other — anonymously, of course — and pick-and-choose who we cheat with, who’s to say that we shouldn’t be open to a greater range of emotions and explore something other than the sticks up our asses?”

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Posted on March 2, 2021March 2, 2021 by: The Free Peach

True Crime: I Put a Very Silly Hat on Top of Every Campus Building

I chase their dreams like a dog chasing cars. I put hats on top of each one. Silly hats. Absurd hats. Hell, I bet the Joker would call these “Normal Hats.” These are the buildings. Their hats are their stories.

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Posted on February 27, 2021February 27, 2021 by: The Free Peach

Heartbreaking! Sophomore’s LinkedIn Profile Edited From “Business Administration” to “Econ”

BERKELEY, Calif. – Two weeks ago, admissions decisions from Berkeley’s Haas School of Business were released, consequently prompting a flurry of LinkedIn activity.  “Econ is …

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Posted on February 26, 2021 by: The Free Peach

The Free Peach Applicant FAQs

The Free Peach is a student-run news satire publication. We were founded in early 2019 by a group of disgruntled Black Sheep writers who wanted revenge. We’ve been losing popularity ever since!

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Posted on February 24, 2021February 24, 2021 by: The Free Peach

UC Berkeley #1 in Public Universities That Didn’t Participate in Capitol Riots

Recently, the high council of U.S. News & World Report added a new section to their exhaustive list of university rankings after a UCLA student …

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Posted on February 22, 2021 by: The Free Peach

Post-Trump, Wealthy White Woke Grandparents Relieved to Return to Peaceful, Undisturbed Life

According to the elderly couple, their beloved daily routine –– waking up, watching television, petting their dog Hubert, walking around an elegant New York suburb and cooking dinner –– was drastically affected by Trump. 

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Posted on February 20, 2021 by: The Free Peach

Health Officials Propose Storing COVID Vaccines in Main Stacks Amidst Freezer Space Shortage

The bleak, frozen environment of this place is known for its chilling temperatures and stark landscape as one of the coldest and quietest natural sites in the Northern Hemisphere. 

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Posted on February 19, 2021February 19, 2021 by: The Free Peach

UC Berkeley Announces Phase Allocation of COVID-19 Vaccine to be Determined by SAT Score

BERKELEY, Calif. – Amid self-sequester mandates in UC Berkeley residence halls and an increase in UCPD presence to limit the spread of COVID-19, the university …

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