Just as the Campanile bells toll for the start of the hour, caffeine-deprived students far and wide rush to my place of work, the last-standing …
UC Berkeley #1 in Number of Templated Hackathon App Creators Calling Themselves ‘Founders’ on LinkedIn
BERKELEY, Calif. — After routinely residing at the top of reputable rankings lists such as bobsratings.com, BestSchoolz, and InflateMyEgo, UC Berkeley once again leaps ahead …
‘Meow’ and Five Other Responses to ‘Describe a Situation in Which…’
The beginning of a semester brings about many opportunities for new engagements, alongside the avalanche of mandatory applications in its tow. For your ease in …
REPORT: Is This Baby Onto Something? Bro’s Just Tryna Suckle
BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal junior and current SAE pledge Edward “Ed” Opus was witnessed attempting to dap up a newborn in its mother’s arms outside …
Shoes-Off Household Also Apparently No-Vacuuming Household
BERKELEY, Calif.– Fueled by the torrential downpour of returning students, the City of Berkeley has been awash with new apartment arrangements poking up through the …
Five Essay Prompts that Will Make You Say, ‘As an AI Language Model…’
As campus roars back to life, sunbaked and unmotivated students return to the dreaded deluge of bMail notifications. With “Assignment Posted” subject lines nestled between …
OPINION: Academic Weapon? I Aced my Syllabus Quiz
In an institution as competitive as UC Berkeley, few students are strangers to imposter syndrome: the crippling fear that you aren’t good enough, smart enough, …
Wicked! Professor Puts Meme on Slide About Excused Absences
BERKELEY, Calif. — Last week, hundreds of Berkeley professors premiered syllabus-review lectures only to receive blank stares, disinterest, and rotten tomatoes. But one man defied …
New Roommate Refrigerates Maple Syrup, Which is Fine, I Guess
Confusion has arisen from the household habits of my newest roommate, “Jeff.” I don’t mind the incessant sleepwalking, the unbridled flatulence, the endorsement of conspiracy …
Supreme Court Rules in Favor of Abject Suffering
WASHINGTON, DC. – Trumping their recent rulings on student debt relief, gay rights, and affirmative action, the Supreme Court decided unanimously in favor of “abject …