BERKELEY, Calif. – The vegan student cooperative house prepared an excellent meal the other night consisting of a quinoa salad appetizer and a quinoa bean …
Cthulu Sits On Campanile, Likes It
As he flailed he braced for pain, but was pleasantly surprised that the feeling of the Campanile in his rectum incredibly good.
Newly-Admitted Haas Students Organize Giant Celebratory Zoom Circle Jerk on Google Calendar
“It’s really about Questioning the Status Quo. Since we already cyber-bully each other — anonymously, of course — and pick-and-choose who we cheat with, who’s to say that we shouldn’t be open to a greater range of emotions and explore something other than the sticks up our asses?”
True Crime: I Put a Very Silly Hat on Top of Every Campus Building
I chase their dreams like a dog chasing cars. I put hats on top of each one. Silly hats. Absurd hats. Hell, I bet the Joker would call these “Normal Hats.” These are the buildings. Their hats are their stories.
Heartbreaking! Sophomore’s LinkedIn Profile Edited From “Business Administration” to “Econ”
BERKELEY, Calif. – Two weeks ago, admissions decisions from Berkeley’s Haas School of Business were released, consequently prompting a flurry of LinkedIn activity. “Econ is …
The Free Peach Applicant FAQs
The Free Peach is a student-run news satire publication. We were founded in early 2019 by a group of disgruntled Black Sheep writers who wanted revenge. We’ve been losing popularity ever since!
UC Berkeley #1 in Public Universities That Didn’t Participate in Capitol Riots
Recently, the high council of U.S. News & World Report added a new section to their exhaustive list of university rankings after a UCLA student …
Post-Trump, Wealthy White Woke Grandparents Relieved to Return to Peaceful, Undisturbed Life
According to the elderly couple, their beloved daily routine –– waking up, watching television, petting their dog Hubert, walking around an elegant New York suburb and cooking dinner –– was drastically affected by Trump.
Health Officials Propose Storing COVID Vaccines in Main Stacks Amidst Freezer Space Shortage
The bleak, frozen environment of this place is known for its chilling temperatures and stark landscape as one of the coldest and quietest natural sites in the Northern Hemisphere.
UC Berkeley Announces Phase Allocation of COVID-19 Vaccine to be Determined by SAT Score
BERKELEY, Calif. – Amid self-sequester mandates in UC Berkeley residence halls and an increase in UCPD presence to limit the spread of COVID-19, the university …