BERKELEY, Calif.— After decades upon decades of investigation into the smell of the Recreational Sports Facility (RSF) Weight Room, A team of UC Berkeley Chemists …
Scam Alert! Cal Football Sells Soul, Still Sucks
BERKELEY, Calif. – Cal Football coach Tosh Lupoi was seen fuming after UC Berkeley’s recent naming rights deal with AI Company Databricks was revealed to …
JK! Sagapolutele Enters Transfer Portal
BERKELEY, Calif. – Two days after a tragic loss to Clemson, four-star QB and projected NFL draft top pick JKS announced his intent to transfer …
Frat Brothers Switch To Hazing By Journaling And Meditating
BERKELEY, Calif. – “At first, I was like…nah Berk… this is too tough on us” slurred president Will Beckham of Kappa Alpha Order. “We only …
Yes, Everyone Saw You Watching Heated Rivalry Edits on the First Day of Lecture
DWINELLE 150, Calif.- Look, while syllabus week can at times feel repetitive and boring, it doesn’t mean I can’t see you watching fullscreen fan edits …
Heartbreaking: Ex is Better Off Without You
MIAMI, Fl. – After a crazy night out in Miami, it’s official: your ex is doing sooooo much better without you. The night was so …
Wilcox Still Gets the Axe
BERKELEY, Calif. – In preparation for the Big Game, Chancellor Rich Lyons, General Manager Ron Rivera and 3-time mascot heavyweight champion Oski met with Justin …
Campanile Sagging Totally Normal in Old Age
BERKELEY, Calif — Following another disappointing night, the Campanile is coming to terms with it no longer being as erect as it used to be. …
Local Student Co-Op Threatens to Throw Halloween Party
BERKELEY, Calif. – Earlier this week on Monday, UC Berkeley students were rattled by the release of a rather daunting Instagram post. A local student …
Loser Freshman Still Doesn’t Have Date for Homecoming
BERKELEY, Calif.– While the brothers at AEPi are getting moms drunk at seven A.M. this morning, mega loser freshman Tommy Tinklepants woke up to the …