Awkward: Robert Reich Just Revealed How Shitty Your Essay was to his One Million Twitter Followers

“In all my years of teaching, and being an advisor to President Obama, and being an advisor to President Clinton, and to Carter, Lincoln, Washington, one, two, skip a few, and finally Lucy the Ape, I have never seen a policy memo this insulting!” the esteemed Professor Reich wrote, “which makes sense, given that my GSIs are the ones who usually grade everything.”

BREAKING: Everyone in This Lecture Hall Saw You Trip When You Got Into Your Seat and We All Thought It Was Super Embarrassing and We Will All Remember It for the Rest of the Semester

“I had a huuuge crush on this person for the first week of class,” Sophomore Isaac Newton reports. “They were really hot, endlessly cool, and seemed like they could never make such a silly mistake as tripping on the backpack that the person next to them left in the middle of the fucking row, for some reason. But they did! And now I’m so glad that I will never approach them or compliment them or include them in the thousand-person group chat we have that shares all of the correct answers to every homework assignment.”