We here at The Free Peach are proud supporters of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and are actively researching new ways to support childhood development, MAHA style. Fuck the vaccinations. Fuck the nursery rhymes. Forget the ABCs.
If you want your kid to stand out, take matters into your own hands. In this UC Berkeley approved guide, we propose a new way to see if your child is ahead of the curve. See if your infant is really learning anything from their liberal-infested daycare, and test them with the following vocabulary terms:
1. Lowkirkenuinely
a. Self-explanatory.
2. UC Kirkely
a. Our university if it was cool. At 6 months, now is the time to start SAT planning.
3. Kerkocet
a. What your child will need to get through reading this article and perhaps after being diagnosed.
4. Celibakirky
a. When you’re helllla celibate (i.e., every Berkeley student). This is a trade-off for your kid’s higher education.
5. Kirkwater
a. Ever heard of Cutwater? Even better! Cut the breastmilk and get your kiddo on this one STAT. Editor’s pick: Passion Fruit Guava Rum Mojito
6. Cheesekirk Factory
a. Jesus had bread and wine. Your kid will have the Oreo Dream Extreme.
7. Jarvis, Kirk It A Little
a. You think your kid is a true Internet chud? Test them with this common Internet phrase and see what happens.
8. Unemkirkment
a. A j*b? Hell no! Me ‘n big Kirk will stay free of the chains of employment. Yuck! Make sure you get your little one on this train as soon as possible. Mama didn’t raise no sellout.
9. Kirking or Not Kirking Gang Violence?
a. Always stay informed on history
10. Ubiquitous
a. (adj.): Present or found everywhere.
late 18th century: from ubiquity + -ous.