This past Friday, professional social media platform LinkedIn released an exciting new addition to their site. Alongside the “about me” section on individual user profiles, …
Noah Uses Doorlist for Ark
MOUNTAINS OF ARARAT, Eastern Anatolia –Following Thursday’s sudden flash flood warnings, local people and animals have been scrambling to find transit out of Ararat. Rather …
U.S. Stages Military Intervention in Mexico By Deploying Frat Brothers to Cabo
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico – In efforts to project American freedom, the Trump administration has decided to begin conflict in yet another foreign country albeit …
Iran Threatens Drone Strike Over Timothée Chalamet Remarks
LOS ANGELES, Calif. – With the Oscars this Sunday, Iran has sworn retaliation on the United States surprisingly not after the unwarranted Israel-U.S. attack, but …
Berkeley Drops WARNME for Ditto
SAN FRANCISCO BAY, Calif — On a rather chilling evening, to the dismay of all of Berkeley, a tragedy struck once again: Ditto.AI was planning …
REPORT: Revolution Delayed by Berkeley Time
We regret to announce that the long-awaited revolution is going to be a little late – ten minutes late, in fact. Or maybe twelve. Sorry, …
Rich Lyons FRAMEMOGGED by JESTERGOONING Cal Frat Leader
Following a serious altercation between protesting students and campus security, Rich Lyons was spotted walk-maxxing with females by SAE when he was brutally framemogged by …
President Trump on Heated Rivalry: “Frankly, it’s Very Big”
WASHINGTON, D.C.– After a stressful day of prompting AI to make racist videos for social media, Epstein associate Donald Trump held a brief press conference …
UC Berkeley Announces New Technical DJ Program
BERKELEY, Calif. – Last Thursday, UC Berkeley students were surprised when school administrators announced the new research program (Undergraduate Educational Dance Music, “UEDM”) dedicated to …
UC Berkeley Manages to Outdo Utah Valley University
BERKELEY, Calif – Following TPUSA’s penultimate event on the Berkeley campus, tensions remain at an all time high as peaceful protests quickly devolved into what …