SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. – A new dating strategy has emerged: 3/10 men across the country are advertising their connections to Nvidia, OpenAi, Anthropic and other high-profile AI firms to any Asian women way out of their league. Many have even added it to their Hinge profiles, in hopes of finding a Chinese spy to fuck them.
Inspired by Jensen Huang’s heroic act of cheating on his wife with three women his age, millions of AI researchers have discovered that leaking classified information could be their path out of the hell that is San Franciscan dating.
“Yea, I’m just so vulnerable, and like… an open book,” said AI researcher Jack Smith to 万爱们 (Wan Ai Men) at his run club. “I can’t help but keep my work and personal life intertwined, and I would never keep secrets from a partner.” Smith was then seen attempting to hand a briefcase full of mysterious documents to Wan, but sources are unclear as to the results of this transaction, or if Wan even wanted the gift.
Even lowly journalists and satire writers are attempting to acquire confidential information in hopes of being targets of the ABG honeypots. They have finally found a cause worth selling out to Grok AI for.
If anyone has information on who might be an AI spy, submit a tip (and facecard) to thefreepeach@gmail.com so we can conduct thorough research on them. If you are a spy yourself, send a text to the official Free Peach contact at 415.420.6967 admitting it, or we will pursue you independently.
“I don’t reveal secrets very easily,” said an anonymous writer, “It would take a 9/10… or 8/10 Asian to slide into my DMs on Instagram @matchaluvr23 with a fire emoji, or texting 415.420.6967 asking to go raving and get boba with me. Anything below that, and I’ll do what Huang did and just cheat with my coworkers like people used to.”
This new wave doesn’t stop with straight men, however. New reports have found that gay men working at AI firms , including Sam Altman and Peter Theil, have been taking more and more trips to Chengdu on vacations, for “official business.”
While hundreds planned a “Free Jensen Huang” strike after he resigned as CEO of Nvidia, upon learning that he cheated with white women as well, they became disinterested.
