NEW YORK, NEW YORK — After Democrats swept the midterms last Tuesday, spokesman John Andrews of the Conglomerated Bank of New England told reporters that even if Democrats pressure them to reimplement the DEI policies they had ended after Trump’s presidential win in 2024, they will refuse to do so. Instead, Conglomerated plans to just wait a few years until Republicans take power again in Washington.

“When Obama forced us to stop workplace harassment, we complied. When Trump told us to let it resume, we again complied. When Biden forced us to implement DEI training, we complied. When Trump forced us to get rid of DEI, we complied,” John told reporters. “But we’ve had enough. We’re finally saying “No” to DEI, and if Democrats have an issue with that, we’re just going to wait for them to inevitably make a huge mistake that causes voters to lose all trust in them and elect the next racist misogynist.”

HR representative Wendy Erics told us that in the meantime before Republicans return to power, Conglomerated will be implementing a new “Just Wait a Few Years” training program. “It will slot into the hole in employee training where DEI training once was and will include modules like ‘When to ask to touch your black colleague’s hair’ or ‘When to use the R-word.’ The ‘when’ is always ‘soon, just be patient’.”

Conglomerated Bank CEO James Mosback said, “I was so glad when Trump won and I could once again make fun of the fat guy in the office, and call the female employee ‘sugar tits’ until she quit. I probably can’t do that anymore. But it’s okay. I’m hoping that after Democrats spend two years bickering about impeaching Hegseth or transgender sports or whatever bullshit and lose the House and Senate in 2028, freedom of expression will return.”

At press time, John Andrews reaffirmed Conglomerated’s commitment to all federal and state equity-related laws as they stand under the Trump administration and under the next Republican administration that will win at least in 2032, but probably sooner.