BERKELEY, Calif. – After newfound threats to constitutional democracy, protectors have come from an unlikely place — frat houses. They have become significantly more strict on constitutional rights, including enforcing the third amendment of not housing soldiers, by not giving their annoying ROTC friend a bid.
Frats have added sharing constitutional rights along with giving the consent talk, making sure people are aware of all 27 rights within the house, from the abolition of poll taxes to their favorite, the repeal of prohibition.
“Before I let you guys in I got to run through a few more amendments with you. Remember rights continue with ‘WADE,’” SAE member Tommy “J-dog” Jefferson said in the 25 minute seminar. “WOMEN can vote, ASSMEBLIES end in January, you can and MUST DRINK all night long without any fucking government ROTC squid stopping you, and the EXECUTIVE only gets two terms.”
Some ROTC members have expressed frustration about the situation, claiming they are unfairly discriminated against by their former strongholds.
They have faced related issues with the third amendment before, such as being unable to “Netflix and chill” at a girlfriend’s house, being excluded from study groups that don’t want to go to libraries, missing out on friendsgivings, and having to go to hotels for hookups.
“Its so fucking anal dude,” said ROTC Junior Roberto Edward Lee. “My girlfriend won’t let me ‘sleep over’, I don’t get invited to any parties, and I’m failing all my classes. This is all because of the Third Amendment and has no bearing on my personality.”
In the modern age of feminism and MeToo, frats were looking to the only remaining straight while males who have not been canceled (too much) yet, the founding fathers, especially after their last favorite writer Shane Gillis was cancelled by the libs.
Frat leadership elections have also been reworked to be more constitutionally aligned, including banning due payments at the polling site, letting their brothers of color (if they have any) vote, and letting their sweetheart vote (on rush chair).
Hazing has also been altered, with the abolition of slavery causing frats to get more creative than forcing pledges to do their housework.