BERKELEY, Calif. — In response to UC Berkeley’s ongoing lecture hall shortage, the university has announced that Data 8, one of its most notoriously difficult …
Unemployed Haas Man Votes No on 40, Claims He “Could See Himself as a Billionaire by Next Year”
BERKELEY, Calif. — This midterm season, California voters have been flooded with ads discussing Proposition 40, the 5% tax on billionaires, or as Gavin Newsom …
Tragic! Male Athlete Sucks at Only Redeeming Quality
BERKELEY, Calif. – The time is 11:37 am. Lecture started at 11:10. Your sweat has finally dried from sprinting to get the iClicker when the …
3rd Amendment Strikes Again: ROTC Guy Gets No Bids
BERKELEY, Calif. – After newfound threats to constitutional democracy, protectors have come from an unlikely place — frat houses. They have become significantly more strict …
Confession: It Was Me Who Farted on Moffitt Hush Floor
When I’m at Moffitt, the world around me ceases to exist. As I drift into an overdue stats assignment, I blend into one of the …
‘Princess and the Frog’ GONE WRONG: Creature I Kissed Still Fugly and Broke
Look. It was dark. I was newly single. I’d had one too many Vodka Red Bulls. And by one too many… I mean just …
Stench of RSF Weight Room Attributed to Lethal Pathogen “Gymbrostink”
BERKELEY, Calif.— After decades upon decades of investigation into the smell of the Recreational Sports Facility (RSF) Weight Room, A team of UC Berkeley Chemists …
UC Berkeley Celebrates Ranking As #1 Producer Of Startups Most Likely To End Humanity
BERKELEY, Calif. — Pitchbook recently released the 2026 rankings of universities by how many startups their graduates have founded. UC Berkeley tops the list for …
Philosophy Major Ponders Why Friends Don’t Have Their Dads’ Credit Cards
BERKELEY, Calif. — Berkeley undergraduate philosophy major Andrew Houston, who is particularly interested in Aristotelian metaphysics, spent much of last weekend pondering the question of …
My Midterm Isn’t the Only Thing With A Curve: I Just Saw My Professor on Grindr
BERKELEY, Calif. — I opened Grindr on Tuesday afternoon expecting to see the usual assortment of DL trade within a 500-foot radius: 40-year-old men with …