“I can hear my asshole neighbor screaming ‘Thank god everyone’s asleep! I needed to nut so badly, baby.’”
She turned to our staff writer with sudden anger, “It’s all these crumbs.”
We at The Free Peach are personally looking forward to shadowing Mr. Murray, soon to be Chadberg Michaelberg Murrayberg
Our specially curated playlist features the exact songs you want to be listening to as you turn your attention away from your laptop and someone swipes it and drives away in a car.
Fortunately, with the Air Quality Index at the level it is right now in Berkeley, you no longer need to buy cigarettes- all you have to do to get that sweet, sweet buzz is stand outside for 30 seconds.
Use two as a bra for your sexy angel costume.
“If I had an STD, I would know it,” said Hawthorne. “It’s not like STDs are some invisible cancer you can accidentally give to other people.”
I’m sure the weather at the Gates of Heaven is quite similar to the weather here in Berkeley, so this should be relevant to St. Peter too!
Dressing up as Anne Boleyn is a great way to signal to your crush that you’re hot, you could totally secure an alliance with France, and you’re chill with the fact that they’ve already hooked up with your sister.
A source from the UC Berkeley Office of Traditions and Curses recently confirmed that since Justice Ginsburg is not an enrolled Berkeley student, the bad luck from this incident will follow her to the court, endangering the right to an abortion for millions of Americans.