BERKELEY, Calif – Since the closure of Moffitt (fan-favorite yapping spot and alleged “library”), students around campus have been forced to procrastinate literally everywhere elsewhere. …
Schrodinger’s Senior Thesis? If I Haven’t Started, Does the Deadline Even Really Exist?
Ok, Ok, hear me out. I know I’m writing this in late April. So what? You’re probably saying, “oh, isn’t the deadline in like five …
Haas Students at Cafe Think Not Doing Any of That
BERKELEY, Calif. – After a hard day of scrolling Instagram reels, learning multiplication tables, and saying “synergy,” Haas students astounded the rest of the Berkeley …
Berkeley Co-op Rats Stage Crawl Out in Protest of Rent Increase
BERKELEY, Calif.– Following yet another controversial rent increase for the human Berkeley co-op residents, rodent residents of the co-ops are in an upsqeuak. Besides the …
Students at Cal Experience Unprecedented Situation At Every Event Ever
BERKELEY, Calif.– On a Sweltering Tuesday evening on the first Sunday of April 20th, students at Cal buzzing after a local figure who had a …
Investigative: Study Finds if Your Edible Hasn’t Hit, You Should Take 2 to 3 More
BERKELEY, Calif.- A groundbreaking new study from the UC Berkeley Institute for Delayed Consequences and Medicinal Misinformation has confirmed what thousands of college students and …
BREAKING: You Coughed. Everyone Noticed. They’re Talking About It.
TOKELAND, Calif. — The blunt had barely kissed his lips when freshman Jimmy Pendrix took one hit, exhaled, and immediately let out a ruptured-lung cough …
Scientists Discover New Sativa Strain to Help Man Remember Every Mistake Since 2008
BERKELEY, Calif.– Scientists at Berkeley’s premier cannabis research institute, the Rausser College of Natural Resources, have successfully developed a new sativa strain that forces users …
Something Wrong? Call Anh Bong
BONG LAW OFFICES, LLP – Operating out of an abandoned dispensary across from People’s Park, Bong Law Offices LLP has experienced an influx of clients …
Glade at Capacity: ‘IF YOU DON’T HAVE A BID YOU’RE NOT GETTING IN’
THE RESTING SPOT OF THE MASSES – CA At 4:20 AM, a wave of shock rattled the Berkeley community as the glade reached full capacity. …