BERKELEY, Calif.– Last Wednesday, “White Boy of the Month” award recipient and local drywall menace Xavier Kyle, 26, reportedly set a new record by landing …
‘Immigration is Out of Control,’ Says Frat Brother Who Terrorized Cabo on Spring Break
CABO SAN LUCAS – Despite spending his spring break actively harassing Cabo San Lucas residents and exploiting all their local resources, Chi Psi brother Mag …
BREAKING: The Free Peach Under Investigation By Federal Government
BERKELEY, Calif. — Since President Trump’s inauguration, academic and journalistic institutions have been repeatedly attacked for failing to comply with the new administration’s expectations. While …
Making the Founders Proud! University of California Changes Hiring Policy to “Whites Only”
OAKLAND – After enacting a ban on diversity related statements in their hiring process, the University of California administration has announced that, in order to …
White Guy a Little Too Excited About Being Invited to Holi
BERKELEY, Calif.– Local white guy and self-proclaimed “citizen of the world” Zeke Bleak joyfully accepted a reluctant invitation to ISA’s Holi celebration. Following the invitation …
A Mid-Semester Night’s Dream? Devastated Girl Wakes Up to Find Her Boyfriend Is Still an Ass
BERKELEY, Calif. – The Tang Center has been experiencing a spike in calls to their emergency phone line the past two weeks, the latest from …
Idiot Senior Still Hasn’t Memorized Student ID
BERKELEY, Calif. – Despite having attended the University of California, Berkeley, since August 2021, senior and certified dumbass Noah Member has failed to do the …
Fee Fi Fo Fum Hosts Cross-Frat Rager with Ooga Booga at PeePeePooPoo House
BERKELEY, Calif. – Fee Fi Fo Fum made exciting shockwaves through campus by hosting a cross-fraternity party with another fraternity, Ooga Booga, at unaffiliated ‘men’s …
OPINION: I Can Fix Him, but Can Anyone Fix Me?
I’m a cracked UC Berkeley woman in STEM, so I never back away from a challenge, whether it’s gardening, crocheting, or explaining to a 6-foot …
“Berkeley Goggles,” Proclaims Sad Little Man About Aphrodite
BERKELEY, Calif. – Like most men of his age and maturity level, yet another Linguini-looking Diet Coke-addicted man who refuses to use soap to “save …