BERKELEY, Calif. — As some young lovebirds were enjoying their sickenly-sweet Valentine’s Day, several Instagram users had their love tested upon discovering that acquaintances they …
Professor Spends Another Valentine’s Day Alone in Office Hours
BERKELEY, Calif.— As his clock struck 5:30 PM without a single student entering, Professor Milton Keyton concluded yet another completely empty office hours, only to …
“Is Anyone Going Northside?” Asks Friend Group’s Weakest Link
BERKELEY, Calif. – Have you been left on read simultaneously by six of your closest college friends? Recent studies show it might not just be …
Graduating Senior Minoring in “School”
BERKELEY, Calif.– UC Berkeley Senior Sydney Qiu impressed family and friends by recently deciding to pursue a minor in ‘School’ in addition to her major …
Haas Student Disappointed to Learn “Appreciating Assets” Isn’t Just Liking Bikini Pictures on Instagram
BERKELEY, Calif.– In UGBA 135, Business Administration sophomore and “Tycoon Consulting” social chair Jake Thompson was seen falling to his knees in Chou Hall after …
Princess And The Pea? Kingman Girl Finds Soybean Under Her Mattress
BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal senior Rea Cycling awoke Sunday morning with mild back discomfort, only to uncover the culprit: a lone soybean hidden beneath her …
Report: American Cultures Requirement Expected to End Racism by 2030
BERKELEY, Calif. — Despite claims of “reducing all systemic injustice to a 3-unit P/NP class,” a new report from political think tank colorBLIND suggests Berkeley’s …
Little Special Snowflake Uses Rockridge BART Station Instead of Downtown Berkeley
BERKELEY, Calif. – While most residents of Berkeley use the Downtown Berkeley BART station to commute to and from the city, little special snowflake and …
UC Berkeley Archeology Students Discover Remnants of Cafés 1 & 2
BERKELEY, CA.– A heating lamp, a silver serving tray, and questionably cooked eggs. These priceless artifacts were discovered by a team of UC Berkeley archaeologists …
‘Trump Just Runs the Economy Better,’ Says Man Who Failed Econ 1
AN AMERICA THAT’S GETTING GREATER BY THE SECOND – Confidence was in the air as Jeremy Smith waltzed out of his first Econ 1 class …