BERKELEY, Calif. – After overhearing his roommates talk about attending the pre-Big Game Bonfire Rally without him, White Childish Gambino fan and generally disliked student …
Student Named ‘Nobel Laureate’ Disappointed to Find Their Car Towed
BERKELEY, Calif. – It’s easy to think that parking enforcers are out to get you, specifically. To Nobel Laureate, a pre-Haas freshman, this feeling is …
Superb Announces Enrollment Time Slots as Next Giveaway
BERKELEY, Calif – To the relief and surprise of students across campus, ASUC Superb announced on Monday its next highly anticipated student giveaway: class enrollment …
The Free Peach’s 2024 Election Endorsements
BERKELEY, Calif. – With every election season, The Free Peach’s Editorial Board endorses candidates and measures relevant to its readers. Our endorsements rely on thorough …
Continuing the Halloween Spirit? Project Partner Still Ghosting You
BERKELEY, Calif. – Trick-or-treaters and rave-goers alike were shocked at the stunning dedication to Halloween that occurred today on campus, ranging from the furry club …
Guy in Skimpy Costume Has His “Halloweenie” Out
BERKELEY, Calif. – In a brave display of borderline public nudity, Chi Psi brother Grant N’Pants wore a skimpy yet also somehow unrecognizable costume to …
Satan Bested by 21-Year-Old TikTok Witch
BERKELEY, Calif – Reports surfaced this past week of Satan, also known as Lucifer, being ousted from his regime as ruler of Hell by a …
“Why I Am Not Running for President,” Explains Bob Avakian to Empty Auditorium
BERKELEY, Calif. — All six members of the Revolutionary Communist Party (REVCOM) have flocked to Sproul Plaza in order to campaign for their non-campaigning candidate …
“NUH-UH”: Rhetoric Professor Responds to Proposal Shutting Down Department
BERKELEY, Calif.– In response to Chancellor Lyons’ decision to eliminate the Rhetoric department and absorb it into the English department, Professor Wourd Smith penned a …
Big Al’s to Accept EBT for Fruit-flavored Vapes
BERKELEY, Calif.– Great news for underage nicotine enthusiasts! Local smoke shop owner and Italian-American mobster Alfredo “Big Al” Mancini announced that customers purchasing vapes at …