BERKELEY, Calif. – In a brave display of borderline public nudity, Chi Psi brother Grant N’Pants wore a skimpy yet also somehow unrecognizable costume to …
Satan Bested by 21-Year-Old TikTok Witch
BERKELEY, Calif – Reports surfaced this past week of Satan, also known as Lucifer, being ousted from his regime as ruler of Hell by a …
“Why I Am Not Running for President,” Explains Bob Avakian to Empty Auditorium
BERKELEY, Calif. — All six members of the Revolutionary Communist Party (REVCOM) have flocked to Sproul Plaza in order to campaign for their non-campaigning candidate …
“NUH-UH”: Rhetoric Professor Responds to Proposal Shutting Down Department
BERKELEY, Calif.– In response to Chancellor Lyons’ decision to eliminate the Rhetoric department and absorb it into the English department, Professor Wourd Smith penned a …
Big Al’s to Accept EBT for Fruit-flavored Vapes
BERKELEY, Calif.– Great news for underage nicotine enthusiasts! Local smoke shop owner and Italian-American mobster Alfredo “Big Al” Mancini announced that customers purchasing vapes at …
Cuffing Season Accompanied by Red Flag Warning
BERKELEY, Calif. – Northern California residents are encouraged to stay vigilant as a red flag warning has been issued for most of the Bay Area …
Awesome! Protest Against War Crimes Perfect Career Opportunity for Journalism Student
BERKELEY, Calif. — Following a year of Israeli war crimes in Gaza, hundreds of students gathered on Sproul to protest the atrocities committed and UC …
Bless Her Heart! Woman Still Says ‘ChatGBT’
BERKELEY, Calif. — A hush fell over UC Berkeley’s Interpreting Shakespeare class this past Thursday morning as third-year Bea Hind inadvertently revealed her academic integrity …
“At Least I Was On TV!” Says Student As They Pass Away From Heat Stroke
BERKELEY, Calif. — Proving that Cal students have game once and for all, Saturday marked the first time in history that UC Berkeley appeared on …
Social Impact Consulting Club Signs Exclusive Deal with Lockheed Martin
BERKELEY, Calif. – In an absolutely shocking but also entirely predictable turn of events, new social impact consulting club Renewal Strategies has announced a 5-year …