The Free Peach

Warning: the story I am about to tell you features grave injustices and major gaslighting. 

Like many other theater-lovers, I attended a show at the Berkeley Playhouse. Naturally, I brought my toy car (my favorite thing to play with) and began to play like I last did when I was a 20-year-old baby boy. While there were some people who looked over at me upon hearing the clacking and clanging, I took no offense as they were simply jealous that I had a toy Lightning McQueen and they did not. Envy is anticipated when you’re at the top. 

However, to my complete surprise, when I started to wrassle around more with my toy car and audibly make vroom vroom sounds, I was immediately escorted out by the Franco-esque fascist militia that is the Berkeley Playhouse security. Apparently, according to these authoritarian oppressors, I’m not allowed to PLAY at the Berkeley PLAYhouse. And we’re just expected to comply with this??

I am but a simple man. I expect people to be straightforward, representing their points of view and values honestly and fairly. But this, as we all know, is nothing but fricking BS. This world is a messed up hell dungeon where I am persecuted for simply existing as a member of society. 

I refused to comply with this insanity and returned to the Berkeley NO-PLAY-ALLOWED house with not one, but two toys. I decided to mix travel modes by also bringing my Thomas the Tank Engine toy. For the sake of full transparency, the train was blue. As usual, when I play with multiple toys, I crashed Lightning and Thomas (Tommy to his friends) into each other repeatedly while hooting and hollering. Vroom vroom. Choo choo. I said it all. And yet again, the war criminal psychopaths stomped on me with their iron boots and told me to leave and not come back.

I fight these fights, not just for me, but for YOU, the proletariat who have been forced into compliance by an unjust system that destroys us all. As long as I keep breathing, I will return and I will make vroom vroom sounds.