BERKELEY, Calif. – Following the announcement that UC Berkeley would officially transition from Piazza to EdStem for course communications, students and faculty are outraged as …
New DNA Evidence Exonerates Me of Accidentally Taking Your GBC Order, Kevin
BERKELEY, Calif. — Following careful deliberation, UC Berkeley’s Forensics Department has determined that new DNA evidence exonerates me of accidentally taking your GBC order, Kevin. …
Leonardo DiCaprio Confesses He Actually Just Never Learned To Count Higher Than 25
LOS ANGELES — Following a break-up with girlfriend Camila Morrone, 47-year-old actor Leonardo DiCaprio announced that the real reason he dates women significantly younger than …
‘The Legal Age Here Is 18’ Says Rich Friend About Doing Cocaine on European Vacation
“It’s so different. When you’re here, hanging with people like Ronald Reagan’s grandsons, they’re constantly asking if you’re over 21. And it’s like, come on dude. You know I’m always snorting coke with everyone at the weekly Berkeley College Republican ‘Imprison all Poor Drug Addicts’ parties.”
Best of Berkeley 2022
Although it’s only May, we feel it is the appropriate time to give recommendations for the best Berkeley sites of 2022. We are incredibly privileged …
BREAKING: You Need to Call Your Dad, He’s Lonely
EVERY SUBURBAN TOWN – Local officials have concluded that your dad calling you three days in a row, all at 5:00 AM, is just the …
Games of Berkeley Now Selling Russian Roulette
BERKELEY, Calif. — In an attempt to better market to UC Berkeley Students, Games of Berkeley has started selling Russian Roulette. “The board games aren’t …
Frat Almost Kills Pledge as “Postmodern Commentary on Excess and Hedonism of Contemporary Society”
BERKELEY, Calif. — Following a recent hazing incident in which a freshman pledge almost died, Tau Gamma Rho junior and HR representative Bryce Chuck claimed …
Will Smith Finally Tired of Other Men Screaming Out His Wife’s Name
LOS ANGELES — At this year’s Academy Awards, Will Smith open-hand smacked Chris Rock in an attempt to defend his much-publicized marriage to actress Jada …
Stanford Version of CALPIRG Raises $10K to “Kill All Them Turtles”
STANFORD, Calif. — After a recent fundraising event, Stanford University’s environmental activist group STANSHART found they had raised over ten thousand dollars to “kill all …