BERKELEY, Calif.– At a recent Stat 20 final exam review session, freshman Bahd Kydnee enthusiastically answered “no” to a GSI’s question about whether the p-value …
Schrodinger’s Senior Thesis? If I Haven’t Started, Does the Deadline Even Really Exist?
Ok, Ok, hear me out. I know I’m writing this in late April. So what? You’re probably saying, “oh, isn’t the deadline in like five …
Haas Students at Cafe Think Not Doing Any of That
BERKELEY, Calif. – After a hard day of scrolling Instagram reels, learning multiplication tables, and saying “synergy,” Haas students astounded the rest of the Berkeley …
The Free Peach’s Pope Endorsements
VATICAN CITY – After the passing of the first non-European pope, Pope Francis, the Vatican has begun the search for his replacement. As a satirical …
JD Vance Honors American State Department By Killing Democratically Elected Foreign Leader
VATICAN CITY — Pope Francis tragically passed away earlier on Monday, but not before enduring an unbearable, thirty-minute meeting with National Backup Dancer and altar-boy-who-missed-his-cue, …
The Free Peach’s 2025 ASUC Election Endorsements
BERKELEY, Calif. – With one of the largest pools of power hungry maniacs, kids who peaked as high school student body presidents, and self-important resume-padding …
‘Immigration is Out of Control,’ Says Frat Brother Who Terrorized Cabo on Spring Break
CABO SAN LUCAS – Despite spending his spring break actively harassing Cabo San Lucas residents and exploiting all their local resources, Chi Psi brother Mag …
White Guy a Little Too Excited About Being Invited to Holi
BERKELEY, Calif.– Local white guy and self-proclaimed “citizen of the world” Zeke Bleak joyfully accepted a reluctant invitation to ISA’s Holi celebration. Following the invitation …
Idiot Senior Still Hasn’t Memorized Student ID
BERKELEY, Calif. – Despite having attended the University of California, Berkeley, since August 2021, senior and certified dumbass Noah Member has failed to do the …
Free Speech Prevails! Destroyed People’s Park Site to Be Named by Contest
BERKELEY, Calif. – Following their destruction of the iconic free speech landmark People’s Park, UC Berkeley reaffirmed their support of political expression by graciously allowing …