BERKELEY, Calif. — Proving that Cal students have game once and for all, Saturday marked the first time in history that UC Berkeley appeared on …
Local Harsh Noise Band Performs Set Using Gypsy’s Trattoria Microphone
BERKELEY, Calif. – After forgetting all their distortion and effects pedals, local harsh noise band Stabby Ears made the practical decision to use the Gypsy’s …
Fact-Checking the Vance-Walz Vice Presidential Debate
NEW YORK – Following the Trump-Harris presidential debate, where most argue Harris delivered a much better performance, Governor Tim Walz and Senator JD Vance debated …
UC Berkeley Drops to #2 Public University Because of You Specifically
BERKELEY, Calif. – On the afternoon of September 23rd, 2024, members of the UC Berkeley community were shocked to discover that U.S News had downgraded …
Fact Checking the Trump-Harris Presidential Debate
PHILADELPHIA – Following the first and only presidential debate between Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump, news outlets have rushed to correct …
Misleading Name? Berkeley “Playhouse” Won’t Let Me Make Vroom Vroom Sounds with My Toy Car
Warning: the story I am about to tell you features grave injustices and major gaslighting. Like many other theater-lovers, I attended a show at the …
Considerate Biden Drops Out Only 8 Months Too Late
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After weeks of debate regarding President Biden’s mental sharpness and ability to formulate basic sentences without sounding like a 400-year-old corpse, he …
BART to Change Frequency to ‘Fuck You, it Just Left’
OAKLAND, Calif. – Facing a major financial crisis, Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) has continued its trend of decreasing frequency of service. While the first …
New Mitski Appreciation Club Just the Saddest Gay People You Know
BERKELEY, Calif. – Following the success of UC Berkeley’s Taylor Swift Appreciation Club, a group of the absolute most depressed, melancholy queer people on campus …
PSA: It Would Be Great If You All Stopped Going to Class
At the beginning of each new semester we face a recurring vicious problem, even worse than institutional racism and/or getting your socks wet. This problem …