BERKELEY, Calif. – “At first, I was like…nah Berk… this is too tough on us” slurred president Will Beckham of Kappa Alpha Order. “We only overserved like I don’t know 60 high schoolers on Cal day. Last year it was like 100 but how else are they going to know KA is the best frat on campus?”
Many of the brothers showed disdain towards the new change, commenting on the forced shift away from traditional frat culture.
“At first, I was like come on man? They’re not going to make me drink until I vomit and then eat said vomit? What’s even the point of joining a frat?” says pledge Brad Childs. “Now it’s less drinking and elephant walks, more sitting down with a pen and pencil. Honestly I kind of like it, but like… not in a gay way.”
Surprisingly, members and pledges have expressed their new found appreciation for their newly mandated hobby.
“It’s crazy, you know, I’ve been on this planet for like awhile, and I’ve never really thought about my emotions until now” says brother Chad Brand. “I’ve really been connecting with my inner child.” Brand’s emotions didn’t stop there. “You know it’s just so crazy like we’re really just a combination of everything that’s happened to us,” Brand continued, “I’ve hella been thinking about like the future, you know? And how we have no idea what’s going to happen. It makes my heart race.”
With what one can only assume is Brand describing feeling anxiety for the first time, we’re glad to hear the brothers have found passion in their punishment. While it may be a surprisingly late step, it is certainly a step in the right direction for the healing journey of the brothers of KA.