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Everything Your Relatives Fear About Berkeley

Posted on March 25, 2023March 26, 2023 by: The Free Peach

‘Ryanair Is SO Cheap’ and 2 Other Ways to Act Like Your Spring Break in Europe Hasn’t Put You in Financial Ruin

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Author: The Free Peach

Posted on March 24, 2023March 25, 2023 by: The Free Peach

Horrific: This Social Media Company That Steals User Data Isn’t Even American

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The future of TikTok looks uncertain after a rigorous congressional hearing Thursday revealed that the user-data-stealing social media company isn’t even American.

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Posted on March 22, 2023March 23, 2023 by: The Free Peach

Chick Magnet? Five Bible Study Groups Asked For My Number

I know, even I’m shocked.  In a place as gloom and doom as UC Berkeley, it’s hard to attract people organically nowadays. I’ve tried every …

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Posted on March 21, 2023March 22, 2023 by: The Free Peach

REI Carabiner Not Strong Enough to Keep This Lesbian Couple Together

BERKELEY, Calif. —  Berkeley sophomore and distinguished lesbian Gloria Bilitis was seen crying earlier today at the Berkeley Ironworks Climbing Gym after having a literal …

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Posted on March 17, 2023March 18, 2023 by: The Free Peach

QUIZ: We’ll Tell You What Color to Wear on St. Patrick’s Day if You Tell Us How Much You Long For Human Touch

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Posted on January 29, 2023January 30, 2023 by: The Free Peach

SUPERB Updates Crowd Control Measures by Promising That All Future Performances Will Only Feature Nickelback

BERKELEY, Calif.— Following a severe failure at crowd control during their Soulja Boy concert last Friday, ASUC SUPERB has promised to update their crowd control …

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Posted on December 5, 2022December 6, 2022 by: The Free Peach

UC Regents Hire Michael Drake’s New Stepbrother, Michael Josh

SAN DIEGO – UC Regents assembled at UCSD on Monday, prepared to deliver paradigm-shattering news to current UC faculty. Without hesitation, Regent Chair Rich Leib …

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Posted on December 2, 2022December 3, 2022 by: The Free Peach

Free Peach Advice: How Do I Deal With a Horrible Co-leader on a Team?

I joined a consulting club semesters ago and now I am one of the head officers on the core team. Unfortunately, I am utterly disgusted by my co-leader on the team on every level. What should I do?

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Posted on December 1, 2022December 2, 2022 by: The Free Peach

Heartwarming! Nation’s Political Leadership Overcomes Bitter Partisan Division to Fuck Over Rail Workers

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a miraculous gesture of bipartisanship, elected officials of both major political parties managed to put aside their differences to force rail …

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Posted on November 29, 2022November 30, 2022 by: The Free Peach

‘It’s Giving Birth,’ Reports Midwife TikTok Influencer

BERKELEY, Calif. — In the Northside Safeway earlier today, 32-year old Uma Bilikel’s water broke while grocery shopping. The 9-months pregnant woman was picking up …

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Posted on November 9, 2022November 10, 2022 by: The Free Peach

OPINION: Sacramento Is Important

Word is in guys: Sacramento is super important. I mean this state, this country, couldn’t function without the socio-economic powerhouse that is Sac-town. You know …

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