WASHINGTON, D.C. — The future of TikTok looks uncertain after a rigorous congressional hearing Thursday revealed that the user-data-stealing social media company isn’t even American.
Chick Magnet? Five Bible Study Groups Asked For My Number
I know, even I’m shocked. In a place as gloom and doom as UC Berkeley, it’s hard to attract people organically nowadays. I’ve tried every …
REI Carabiner Not Strong Enough to Keep This Lesbian Couple Together
BERKELEY, Calif. — Berkeley sophomore and distinguished lesbian Gloria Bilitis was seen crying earlier today at the Berkeley Ironworks Climbing Gym after having a literal …
SUPERB Updates Crowd Control Measures by Promising That All Future Performances Will Only Feature Nickelback
BERKELEY, Calif.— Following a severe failure at crowd control during their Soulja Boy concert last Friday, ASUC SUPERB has promised to update their crowd control …
UC Regents Hire Michael Drake’s New Stepbrother, Michael Josh
SAN DIEGO – UC Regents assembled at UCSD on Monday, prepared to deliver paradigm-shattering news to current UC faculty. Without hesitation, Regent Chair Rich Leib …
Free Peach Advice: How Do I Deal With a Horrible Co-leader on a Team?
I joined a consulting club semesters ago and now I am one of the head officers on the core team. Unfortunately, I am utterly disgusted by my co-leader on the team on every level. What should I do?
Heartwarming! Nation’s Political Leadership Overcomes Bitter Partisan Division to Fuck Over Rail Workers
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a miraculous gesture of bipartisanship, elected officials of both major political parties managed to put aside their differences to force rail …
‘It’s Giving Birth,’ Reports Midwife TikTok Influencer
BERKELEY, Calif. — In the Northside Safeway earlier today, 32-year old Uma Bilikel’s water broke while grocery shopping. The 9-months pregnant woman was picking up …
OPINION: Sacramento Is Important
Word is in guys: Sacramento is super important. I mean this state, this country, couldn’t function without the socio-economic powerhouse that is Sac-town. You know …