BERKELEY, Calif. – Students in Nobel laureate Benicio McCarthy’s applied econometrics class were disappointed when they discovered that McCarthy’s teaching skills were below expectations despite his prowess in the academic research community, multiple sources in the course report. 

“I chose this course because I wanted to take a class with McCarthy and I thought his paper on the merits of absolute capitalism despite its various social repercussions was really interesting,” explained Try Hard, a second year pre-Haas or economics student depending on the day of the week. “Though his papers are crystal clear and well-researched, he’s absolutely incomprehensible during lectures. The symbols he goes over in class look like hieroglyphics and he gets angry whenever someone asks him a question. His slides aren’t that great either; they look like poorly designed corporate stock templates from 2008.”

McCarthy, who won the Nobel Prize in the Primordial Soup Era for his pro-capitalism stance and his incredibly novel hypothesis that people prefer cheaper prices than higher ones, is aware of the poor feedback from students. McCarthy issued a statement in response. 

“Teaching students is my part-time job – I’d rather work with my GSIs on groundbreaking research than explain basic supply and demand over and over again to these 19-year-old imbeciles,” asserted McCarthy. “Education, especially in economics, should be gatekept from those who don’t have the capacity to understand everything on the first try. Call that perfect competition,” he continued, drawing a convoluted graph to explain his analogy with dashed lines and ancient Meroitic symbols representing plebeians and the academic elite.

To remedy the situation, the UC Berkeley Economics department hosted a faculty seminar on more accessible teaching methods, from which multiple economics professors including McCarthy left in a confused and frustrated state.

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