VATICAN CITY – After the passing of the first non-European pope, Pope Francis, the Vatican has begun the search for his replacement. As a satirical …
Fee Fi Fo Fum Hosts Cross-Frat Rager with Ooga Booga at PeePeePooPoo House
BERKELEY, Calif. – Fee Fi Fo Fum made exciting shockwaves through campus by hosting a cross-fraternity party with another fraternity, Ooga Booga, at unaffiliated ‘men’s …
Graduating Senior Minoring in “School”
BERKELEY, Calif.– UC Berkeley Senior Sydney Qiu impressed family and friends by recently deciding to pursue a minor in ‘School’ in addition to her major …
Friend Comes Out as Freaky Through Instagram Reel Likes
BERKELEY, Calif – Through Instagram’s display of accounts who have liked a certain reel, senior Samantha Jones was shocked to discover that her friend nicknamed …
Satan Bested by 21-Year-Old TikTok Witch
BERKELEY, Calif – Reports surfaced this past week of Satan, also known as Lucifer, being ousted from his regime as ruler of Hell by a …
Cuffing Season Accompanied by Red Flag Warning
BERKELEY, Calif. – Northern California residents are encouraged to stay vigilant as a red flag warning has been issued for most of the Bay Area …
Barron Trump Now Socially Liberal, Fiscally Conservative
NEW YORK CITY – After enrolling in NYU Stern this fall with a concentration in “interpretive capitalist philosophy and Big Money,” Barron Trump revealed that …
Embarrassing! Person I Saw on Dating App Still on Dating App
My pure hatred of dating apps only intensified when I realized the sheer trenches of the selection on Hinge as I was scrolling this past …
Office Siren? I Set Off the Fire Alarm
This past weekend, I office-sirened more than anyone ever has, both literally and (I know now) figuratively. With the rush of the Supernanny audio playing …
APEC: U.S. and China Reach Diplomatic Agreement to be Horrible Together
SAN FRANCISCO – U.S. President Joe Biden and Chinese President Xi Jinping made strides towards a stronger alliance by reaching a diplomatic agreement to be …