BERKELEY, Calif.– UC Berkeley Senior Sydney Qiu impressed family and friends by recently deciding to pursue a minor in ‘School’ in addition to her major in Haus Tapping and bedrotting at home because what is even the point anymore because she’s graduating anyways so every day will be the same hahahaha.
“I have way too much time on my hands and I know most people here pursue double majors. I honestly hadn’t really considered it before but I figured school would be a useful thing to minor in to add to my degree. I’ve spent most of my time oscillating between Raleigh’s and Tap Haus or sitting at home indolently watching the clock hands tick,” explained Qiu while watching her first lecture recording for her last breadth requirement, Astro C10, three weeks into the semester. “A lot of my friends are in the same boat, but some still are on the fence about minoring in School. The workload of waking up every day and lamenting about the passage of time is already enough units for most of them. Plus, weekly Mexican cuisine tastings on Tuesdays takes up a lot of time.”
Qiu’s roommate expressed joy and almost relief in her academic ambitions, expressing that it was a smart choice for both of them.
“Thank fucking god,” exclaimed her roommate. “The amount of time she’s been spending in the apartment has been driving me insane, and when she leaves, she always comes back plastered. It’s kind of pathetic, really. I almost forgot she had classes left to graduate until I asked her why she was still around in Berkeley, to which she responded with a languish grunt and nod. I’d be surprised if she can even make it to commencement.”
At the end of the semester, Qiu reported she may not have taken enough units to meet the requirement for the minor, but was happy with any degree.