OAKLAND – After enacting a ban on diversity related statements in their hiring process, the University of California administration has announced that, in order to …
ICE-UD? Trump to Install Immigration Checkpoints at the Cervix
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In response to legal pushback against his executive order ending birthright citizenship, President Trump has issued a new order installing immigration checkpoints at the …
Pope Gives Up Breathing for Lent
BERKELEY, Calif.– After a drunk cig outside Tap Haus last week, Pope Francis has taken a break from breathing as a serious sacrifice for Lent, …
White Guy a Little Too Excited About Being Invited to Holi
BERKELEY, Calif.– Local white guy and self-proclaimed “citizen of the world” Zeke Bleak joyfully accepted a reluctant invitation to ISA’s Holi celebration. Following the invitation …
A Mid-Semester Night’s Dream? Devastated Girl Wakes Up to Find Her Boyfriend Is Still an Ass
BERKELEY, Calif. – The Tang Center has been experiencing a spike in calls to their emergency phone line the past two weeks, the latest from …
Heartbreaking! DOGE Cuts Funding to Research Lab Days Before Finding Cure for the Male Loneliness Epidemic
BERKELEY, Calif.- In an effort to distract from the fact that incel-King Elon Musk could be doing anything useful at all for anyone, his newly …
Idiot Senior Still Hasn’t Memorized Student ID
BERKELEY, Calif. – Despite having attended the University of California, Berkeley, since August 2021, senior and certified dumbass Noah Member has failed to do the …
Fee Fi Fo Fum Hosts Cross-Frat Rager with Ooga Booga at PeePeePooPoo House
BERKELEY, Calif. – Fee Fi Fo Fum made exciting shockwaves through campus by hosting a cross-fraternity party with another fraternity, Ooga Booga, at unaffiliated ‘men’s …
OPINION: I Can Fix Him, but Can Anyone Fix Me?
I’m a cracked UC Berkeley woman in STEM, so I never back away from a challenge, whether it’s gardening, crocheting, or explaining to a 6-foot …
“Berkeley Goggles,” Proclaims Sad Little Man About Aphrodite
BERKELEY, Calif. – Like most men of his age and maturity level, yet another Linguini-looking Diet Coke-addicted man who refuses to use soap to “save …