After an announcement that conservative political commentator Matt Walsh would “anger the liberals” by visiting UC Berkeley to promote his film, “What is a Woman?”, thousands of students have responded by asking: “Who is Matt Walsh?”
Cult Member Not Pulling Their Weight in Group Sacrifice Project
BERKELEY, Calif. – Despite being a long-standing follower of the controversial Happy Fun Time Feelings Always organization (HFTFA), cult member Daniel Coventry has been totally …
The Polar Bears Are Dying but Here’s a Whole Article About the Time I Watched ‘Freaky Friday’ on Cable
BERKELEY, Calif. – After a summer of record-breaking heat waves, intense hurricanes, and massive floods around the world, climate scientists are unanimous in agreement that …
Inspiring! Berkeley Alumni Make Next Big Social Media App That Will Inevitably Somehow Cause the Rise of Fascism
“We were both EECS majors so we never left our dorms but then also wallowed in self pity because we were lonely. And that’s where GenSite began, to connect people in the modern age. Of course, it was originally more for incels like us to complain about how women wouldn’t fuck us but we’ll pretend we have any semblance of morality when we become so big that we have to pretend we regulate content.”
OPINION: I Should Be Allowed To Steal Things From Time to Time
If I want to steal one of those gentrifier metal stools from Super Duper Burgers or between 10-33 of the VLSB dinosaur bones, I should be able to. After all, I am the protagonist and everything is part of MY movie. But for some reason, according to an email from the office of Carol Christ, I’m apparently “banned from every restaurant, store, and classroom in the Berkeley metropolitan area for obvious reasons.”
Class Announcements on Ed but Not Edd or Eddy
BERKELEY, Calif. – Following the announcement that UC Berkeley would officially transition from Piazza to EdStem for course communications, students and faculty are outraged as …
New DNA Evidence Exonerates Me of Accidentally Taking Your GBC Order, Kevin
BERKELEY, Calif. — Following careful deliberation, UC Berkeley’s Forensics Department has determined that new DNA evidence exonerates me of accidentally taking your GBC order, Kevin. …
Leonardo DiCaprio Confesses He Actually Just Never Learned To Count Higher Than 25
LOS ANGELES — Following a break-up with girlfriend Camila Morrone, 47-year-old actor Leonardo DiCaprio announced that the real reason he dates women significantly younger than …
‘The Legal Age Here Is 18’ Says Rich Friend About Doing Cocaine on European Vacation
“It’s so different. When you’re here, hanging with people like Ronald Reagan’s grandsons, they’re constantly asking if you’re over 21. And it’s like, come on dude. You know I’m always snorting coke with everyone at the weekly Berkeley College Republican ‘Imprison all Poor Drug Addicts’ parties.”
Best of Berkeley 2022
Although it’s only May, we feel it is the appropriate time to give recommendations for the best Berkeley sites of 2022. We are incredibly privileged …