EVERY SUBURBAN TOWN – Local officials have concluded that your dad calling you three days in a row, all at 5:00 AM, is just the …
Games of Berkeley Now Selling Russian Roulette
BERKELEY, Calif. — In an attempt to better market to UC Berkeley Students, Games of Berkeley has started selling Russian Roulette. “The board games aren’t …
Frat Almost Kills Pledge as “Postmodern Commentary on Excess and Hedonism of Contemporary Society”
BERKELEY, Calif. — Following a recent hazing incident in which a freshman pledge almost died, Tau Gamma Rho junior and HR representative Bryce Chuck claimed …
Will Smith Finally Tired of Other Men Screaming Out His Wife’s Name
LOS ANGELES — At this year’s Academy Awards, Will Smith open-hand smacked Chris Rock in an attempt to defend his much-publicized marriage to actress Jada …
Stanford Version of CALPIRG Raises $10K to “Kill All Them Turtles”
STANFORD, Calif. — After a recent fundraising event, Stanford University’s environmental activist group STANSHART found they had raised over ten thousand dollars to “kill all …
OPINION: Despite My Grandma Saying I Am “A Very Handsome Boy,” I Am Currently Single
War. Wealth Inequality. Broken McDonalds ice cream machines. These issues pale in comparison to the true tragedy of the 21st century, the fact that I …