Skip to content

The Free Peach

Everything Your Relatives Fear About Berkeley

Posted on January 29, 2023January 30, 2023 by: Valmic Mukund

SUPERB Updates Crowd Control Measures by Promising That All Future Performances Will Only Feature Nickelback

  • Home
  • Berkeley
  • Local News
  • Quizzes
  • The Pit
  • Join Us!
  • Masthead
  • Contact

Month: April 2022

Posted on April 29, 2022 by: Shane Pauker

How to Block Out the Sound of Your Stepdad Railing Your Mom

Listen. I get that mom’s been lonely since dad disappeared. I’m happy that she’s putting herself out there. Alden treats her well and is good …

Continue Reading
Posted on April 29, 2022April 29, 2022 by: Courtney Yee

I Gave DuoMobile All My Cookies to Sign In and Now I Don’t Have Any Left for My Mouse

If you need to verify your identity, you will need to sign in with DuoMobile. When you open DuoMobile, it says you will have to …

Continue Reading
Posted on April 28, 2022April 28, 2022 by: The Free Peach

Fraternity Kappa Alpha Order Hosts Diversity Training in Robert E. Lee Conference Room

Content Warning: This article contains content discussing Confederate Army generals, slavery, the Klu Klux Klan, and more generally, white men being racist pieces of shit.  …

Continue Reading
Posted on April 27, 2022April 27, 2022 by: amychakladar

Twitter Now Owned by The Free Peach After We Got It for Free on the App Store

BERKELEY, Calif. — In a surprise twist of surprising events, the social media platform “Twitter” is under new management after The Free Peach purchased it …

Continue Reading
Posted on April 26, 2022April 26, 2022 by: Ajay Madala

BREAKING: You Need to Call Your Dad, He’s Lonely

EVERY SUBURBAN TOWN – Local officials have concluded that your dad calling you three days in a row, all at 5:00 AM, is just the …

Continue Reading
Posted on April 23, 2022 by: Shane Pauker

Campus Curbs Spread of Misinformation by Simply Not Providing Any Information

BERKELEY, Calif. — In an attempt to limit the spread of potential misinformation regarding yesterday’s campus-wide threat, UC Berkeley administrators announced that, going forward, they …

Continue Reading
Posted on April 23, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Elon Musk Celebrates Earth Day By Leaving

BOCA CHICA, Texas — Forgoing his usual performative grandstanding, Elon Musk has decided to permanently end his contribution to the climate crisis by jettisoning himself …

Continue Reading
Posted on April 21, 2022 by: Tohar Zamir

BREAKING: Everybody Knows You’re High Right Now

BERKELEY, Calif. – Dude, bad news–everyone can totally tell that you’re higher than Leonardo DiCaprio’s personal maximum for age gaps right now. Yes dude, I’m …

Continue Reading
Posted on April 20, 2022 by: Shane Pauker

Second-Semester Senior Making Closest Friend He’ll Never Talk to Again

BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal senior Theo Parker has realized he may never talk to his newfound closest friends after graduation. “It’s never been a better …

Continue Reading
Posted on April 19, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Disappointing Dick Pic Made Palatable by Beautiful Cherry Blossoms in Background

BERKELEY, Calif. — Sophomore Richard Hardman relieved himself from the embarrassment of a less-than-impressive dick pic last Saturday by framing his penis in front of …

Continue Reading

Posts navigation

1 2 3

Search

Top Posts & Pages

  • Opinion: It’s Technically Only ‘Shackles and Champagne’ if They’re From the Champagne Region of France. Otherwise, You Have to Call Them Sparkling Wine and Zip Ties.
    Opinion: It’s Technically Only ‘Shackles and Champagne’ if They’re From the Champagne Region of France. Otherwise, You Have to Call Them Sparkling Wine and Zip Ties.
  • INVESTIGATION: Does SUPERB Know About Our Massive Outdoor Greek Theater?
    INVESTIGATION: Does SUPERB Know About Our Massive Outdoor Greek Theater?
  • Report: Arnold's Death On The Magic School Bus Is Responsible For Every Single Teenage & Young Adult Problem
    Report: Arnold's Death On The Magic School Bus Is Responsible For Every Single Teenage & Young Adult Problem
  • Soulja Boy to Release 15 Minute Set List for Superb Extravaganza
    Soulja Boy to Release 15 Minute Set List for Superb Extravaganza
  • Frank Ocean Emerges From Hiatus to Clarify That He Was Referring to Berkeley City College in Infamous "Novacane" Lyric
    Frank Ocean Emerges From Hiatus to Clarify That He Was Referring to Berkeley City College in Infamous "Novacane" Lyric
  • Fuck It! We Ranked All The Sororities at Cal Alphabetically!
    Fuck It! We Ranked All The Sororities at Cal Alphabetically!
  • 4 Creative Ways to Acquire a Trader Joe’s Sweatshirt Besides Giving a Stellar Blowjob
    4 Creative Ways to Acquire a Trader Joe’s Sweatshirt Besides Giving a Stellar Blowjob
  • Clark Kerr Skeleton Evicted After Tuition Non-Payment
    Clark Kerr Skeleton Evicted After Tuition Non-Payment
  • Out-of-State Student Declares Bankruptcy Instead of Major
    Out-of-State Student Declares Bankruptcy Instead of Major
  • Berkeley Startup 'Tinder For Friends' Not Affiliated With Tinder, Also Not Affiliated With Friends
    Berkeley Startup 'Tinder For Friends' Not Affiliated With Tinder, Also Not Affiliated With Friends

Our Facebook

Our Facebook
Copyright © 2023 The Free Peach All Rights Reserved | Magpaper by Theme Palace