BERKELEY, Calif. — Troubled waters lie ahead for ambitious sophomores Kent Fokus and Anita Studdy, whose now 82-hour-old fling began this past Sunday night. “I …
Clickbait! Female Professor’s ‘Partner’ Actually Just Straight Husband
BERKELEY, Calif. — On Wednesday morning, an American Studies class’s final review session erupted in turmoil when professor Genevieve Bater accidentally projected a photo of …
$4 Supermarket Wine Has Notes of Alcohol
BERKELEY, Calif. – Local sommelier and Chi Omega social chair, Michelle Klein, has discovered that one of the $3.99 bottles of Charles Shaw Shiraz purchased …
‘I’m Allergic to LaTeX,’ Says Student Who Only Uses Raw Data
BERKELEY, Calif. – As finals approach, students have inevitably flocked to citation managers and word processors to mock-up their final projects. However, despite a deluge …
LS 110: ‘Brilliance of Berkeley’ Exclusive New Course Syllabus Preview
To introduce new students to the extensive history and incredible accomplishments of UC Berkeley, the College of Letters and Science has introduced a new class …
‘Is it Berkeley Time?’ Asks Man About Grandma’s Funeral
LOS ANGELES – Recent Berkeley graduate Tim Atkins was spotted arriving late to his grandmother’s funeral at his hometown church after asking his family members …
‘We’re Gonna Destroy Them This Weekend,’ Says Stanford About Minorities
STANFORD, Calif. – In anticipation of the Big Game this weekend, Stanford students, fans, and faculty have joined together to spread the message that they …
Big Al’s Reveals Hot New Flavored Vape: ‘Cigarettes’
BERKELEY, Calif. – While most other smoke shops have seen a loss in profits due to the passage of SB 793 prohibiting the sale of …
Man Realizes ‘Situationship’ is Not a Consulting Club Term
BERKELEY, Calif. — A shocking revelation struck Sproul Plaza this afternoon when certified “label-hater” Noah Stringson, attempting to reconcile with his pseudo-girlfriend, discovered that the …
How to Tell Your Straight Friends That You Don’t Wanna See That Shit
I want to preface this article by saying that I’m not heterophobic by any means. I watched Outer Banks. I voted for Biden. I can’t …