BERKELEY, Calif. – Hysteria arose amongst students in PUBPOL 101 when news broke that their peer Nick Beard was an active Reddit user, as determined …
Sorry About All the Construction, Phineas and Ferb Are Building a Rollercoaster
BERKELEY, Calif. — Students returning to campus after break have been greeted by a constant jackhammering of Bancroft Way (possibly sponsored by the anti-public transit …
Coffee Chat Followed by Bathroom Break
BERKELEY, Calif. — In the midst of recruiting for clubs, sophomore Krispen Kreamer followed her coffee chat with a bathroom break. Outside the bathroom at …
CalCentral Places Affectionate Hold on Accounts Just in Time for Valentine’s Day
BERKELEY, Calif. — In a romantic gesture that has stirred hearts across UC Berkeley, the campus’s online administrative portal, CalCentral, has begun placing “affectionate holds” …
Report: Yes, You Do Look Like a Fucking Loser Waiting for Your ‘Friends’ at Strada
BERKELEY, Calif. — Following their legacy of derivative research studies that no one asked for, researchers at Stanford University have confirmed that you (yes, you) …
Judged Too Soon? Professor Actually Kind of Cool
BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal Junior Ruby Cornejo rescinded her reprimands this Thursday after realizing that her political science professor may actually be kind of cool. …
UC Berkeley Announces New ‘Zero Waste by 1970’ Campaign
BERKELEY, Calif. – After the massive success of UC Berkeley’s ‘Zero Waste by 2020’ campaign, the university’s administration has announced that it will be pulling …
Turning Point USA Holds Rally Against Liberal Arts
BERKELEY, Calif. – Protesting the greatest liberal conspiracy since the 2020 election, a group of passionate students from Turning Point USA took to Sproul this morning. …
Berkeley Police Dedicate People’s Park Barricade With Land Acknowledgement
BERKELEY, Calif. – Protestors and pedestrians watched in disbelief Friday morning as 400 law enforcement officers began their daily barricade enforcement of People’s Park with …
Report: Dead Week Fling Not Helping Anybody
BERKELEY, Calif. — Troubled waters lie ahead for ambitious sophomores Kent Fokus and Anita Studdy, whose now 82-hour-old fling began this past Sunday night. “I …