BERKELEY, Calif. — Cal Freshman Lucca Wallace was rudely awakened in a Unit 3 dorm by her bottom bunk rhythmically shaking this past Tuesday. Sources say this 11:00 a.m. scare was felt throughout the building.
“It was truly horrifying!” exclaimed Lucca, clearly distraught later that day. “One minute I was asleep, and the next I was watching the Brita filter get knocked over from all of the rumbling. I could tell my roommate Sheila was scared too because I could hear her whimpering above me.” Sheila was indeed whimpering from above, but floormate Jessica Drake believes there may be alternate reasons.
Jessica reported that she passed Lucca and Sheila’s room at 11:42 a.m. while walking to the bathroom and confirmed that the shakes were felt all the way across the hall.
“Sheila’s whimpering is a daily occurrence,” sighed Jessica later that afternoon. “I used to think she was crying due to homesickness, but damn that girl is consistent. I’m just surprised she’s not more self-aware. Then again, she microwaves her food in plastic bags, sometimes even tin foil, so awareness has never really been her strong suit.” When asked for final comments, Jessica remarked, “I’m just surprised this time actually made it onto the Richter Scale!”
UC Berkeley geology Professor Cyrus “Cy” Smick also felt the shake as he was passing by on Durant.
“The California Bay Area is due for a large quake anytime now!” exclaimed Dr. Smick with a strange amount of enthusiasm. “The Hayward Fault should produce an earth-shattering one in the next 30 years.” Sources say Sheila’s birthday is November 6th, so she may reward herself and us all with a grand earthquake much sooner.
When asked to comment on the incident, Sheila declined, returning to her room.