Mercury is in flavortown and you know what that means… The Free Peach does horoscopes now! You’re welcome. Scroll for your weekend horoscope!
♎️Libra: Go on a walk. Think. Feel.
♏️Scorpio: Ooh. Looks like this is gonna be a sexy weekend for you. THIS staff writer is jealous!
♐️Sagittarius: Buy some chips. Really taste them.
♑️Capricorn: You’re going to notice some tension in your lumbar region this weekend. That’s okay. The stars know what they’re doing.
♒️Aquarius: Buy a 64 oz Hydroflask. Drink three of them daily. It is extremely important that you hydrate. You, more than any of the signs, require fluids.
♓️Pisces: Think about your relationships. Do you need friends? Hm.
♈️Aries: You’re a shining star / No matter who you are / Shining bright to see / What you could truly be (what you could truly be)
♉️Taurus: Everyone you know hates you and you are living a lie. Focus on eating healthy!
♊️Gemini: Today, you are like a cannoli. Feel the truth of that statement. Don’t think too hard, accept it. Bask in it. You are a cannoli.
♋️Cancer: Buy a succulent to put in your window. Watch it die no matter how much or little you water it. Think about the cycle of life, the inevitability of endings.
♌️Leo: Stop that! You know what. Yes, that. I don’t have to tell you. Don’t play dumb. You KNOW. Stop!!!
♍️Virgo: Are you washing your face enough? With cleanser? Are you sure? It doesn’t look like it to the stars. But hey, the stars aren’t dermatologists. Just concerned friends. Maybe switch toners? What, they just want your skin to look its best! No need to be defensive, god. Okay, okay. They’re sorry they mentioned it.