Once: Calm, cool, collected. Unfazed, ready for anything, the ultimate chiller. Your life moves at exactly the right pace, things just happen for you, you …
Alvin, Of “Chipmunks” Fame, Dead of Fentanyl Overdose
“Alvin and the Chipmunks” frontman Alvin Seville was pronounced dead at Cedar-Sinai Veterinary Hospital early this morning after an apparent fentanyl overdose. The acclaimed anthropomorphic chipmunk was 61 years old.
BREAKING: Kanye West Still Included in your Aunt Karen’s list of Satanist Influences Despite Upcoming Release of “Jesus is King” Album
Kanye West never responded to our email requesting a comment. Updates will be added if he chooses to respond. Your Aunt Karen will maintain her commenting regardless, though.
5 Ways to Recover from a Drunk Text
So you woke up this morning, refreshed and ready for a new dawn, only to find that you texted your crush “Come find me, big boy” at 2 am…with no response.
“I’m Tired of Being Seen For My Tits and Ass!” Local Woman Demands Compliment on Her Left Labia Next Time
Every time I’m with a man, he tells me that he loves playing with my boobs or that my butt is perfect. I’m so tired of not being valued for more. Why can’t they compliment me for my left labia?
Your Weekend Horoscope
Mercury is in flavortown and you know what that means… The Free Peach does horoscopes now! You’re welcome. Scroll for your weekend horoscope!
BREAKING: Spike In Incest Porn Popularity After The Release of Frozen 2 Trailer
The clues are all there. In the new trailer, Anna and Elsa are shown venturing into the “Forbidden Forest.” You know what else is considered “forbidden”? INCEST!
Forest Witch Getting Into Meal Prep Thinks She’ll Save Gretel For Dinner Friday
“I couldn’t keep myself from fattening, roasting, and devouring every single child that happened upon my gingerbread house as soon as they fell for my trap. I had terrible impulse control, and it was starting to affect my cholesterol.”
What You Need To Know Before You Watch Endgame!
The biggest cinema event of a generation came out this week! Here’s what you need to know before you watch!
