BERKELEY, Calif. – Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No. It’s a full-grown man riding a seated scooter at 4 miles an hour. …
SF AI Billboards All Replaced With Scottish Gaelic, Become More Legible
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. – A parade broke out in San Francisco last Saturday after all AI billboards were replaced with ancient, untranslated Scottish proverbs overnight, …
Stanford Debuts Innovative New DEI Strategy
STANFORD, Calif. — This past week, Stanford University in Palo Alto debuted their newest method of implementing DEI in campus photography– AI. Rather than …
Trader Joe’s Teases New Kosher Line: Trader Jew’s
TRADER JOE’S – On Shabbat, the staple grocery announced its plans to unveil a new line just in time for Yom Kippur: Trader Jew’s. The …
Opinion: I’m Not a Job Hunter, I’m a Job Gatherer
BAY AREA, CALIFORNIA — Well, well, well, yet another summer has come and gone, and I’m still unemployed. Between the dipshits at [Insert AI …
YoPo Reveals New Flavor: Miami Mint Geek Bar
BERKELEY, Calif.–– On Saturday, April 4th, inside sources leaked the plans of a partnership between Yogurt Park and the vape company, Geek Bar. Offering the …
Berkeley Drops WARNME for Ditto
SAN FRANCISCO BAY, Calif — On a rather chilling evening, to the dismay of all of Berkeley, a tragedy struck once again: Ditto.AI was planning …
UC Berkeley Celebrates Ranking over UCLA in the Epstein Files
BERKELEY, Calif – Upon the release of millions of files related to the ongoing investigation into billionaire and convicted sex-trafficker Jeffery Epstein’s estate, members of …
Campanile Sagging Totally Normal in Old Age
BERKELEY, Calif — Following another disappointing night, the Campanile is coming to terms with it no longer being as erect as it used to be. …
Berkeley Bowl Opens Dispensary so Customers Can Finally Face the Parking Lot
BERKELEY, Calif.— In a move that has shocked exactly no one, Berkeley Bowl has announced the grand opening of its long-awaited adjunct dispensary, featuring over …