Like many of the other quarantined Cal students, Christine Waters had spent many nights missing campus. She was handling the break-up pretty well for a …
Woman’s Yeast Infection Repurposed for Sourdough Starter
FULLERTON, Calif.— Fullerton resident Jeanine Woodrow recently repurposed her pesky yeast infection to create a sourdough starter during the statewide shelter in place mandate. “I …
Lori Loughlin Changes Defense Strategy, Claims USC Crew Team Is Now Rowing Just as Much as Olivia Jade Did in High School
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Last year Lori Loughlin was accused of paying $500,000 to get her two daughters, Olivia Jade and Isabella Rose, into USC …
How to Survive Quarantine From Your 4-Story-6-Bedroom Manhattan Beach Mansion
Listen, we know it’s been hard. Quarantine is rough, especially when you’re sitting on a 5-acre lot in Manhattan Beach or Palos Verdes or wherever …
Mask Wearing Beta Male Grateful He No Longer Has to Pencil In Beard
Ross Kelley is grateful he no longer has to pencil in his beard every morning. Why? Thanks to COVID-19, he now wears a mask when …
CDC Recommends Pitbull Cease Worldwide Behavior to Curb Spread of Fresh Miami Sound
MIAMI, Fla. – Clean water ambassador and rapper Armando C. Pérez, better known as Pitbull, is at the center of a public health crisis. “A …
Nation’s Leaders Model Good Shelter-in-Place Behavior by Only Engaging in Insider Trading During a Pandemic
Washington, D.C. — Legislators demonstrated unprecedented leadership earlier this year by engaging in insider stock trading upon being briefed about COVID-19, showing the American people …
What the Number of Times You Usually Sneeze Says About You
Once: Calm, cool, collected. Unfazed, ready for anything, the ultimate chiller. Your life moves at exactly the right pace, things just happen for you, you …
Alvin, Of “Chipmunks” Fame, Dead of Fentanyl Overdose
“Alvin and the Chipmunks” frontman Alvin Seville was pronounced dead at Cedar-Sinai Veterinary Hospital early this morning after an apparent fentanyl overdose. The acclaimed anthropomorphic chipmunk was 61 years old.
BREAKING: Kanye West Still Included in your Aunt Karen’s list of Satanist Influences Despite Upcoming Release of “Jesus is King” Album
Kanye West never responded to our email requesting a comment. Updates will be added if he chooses to respond. Your Aunt Karen will maintain her commenting regardless, though.