Skip to content

The Free Peach

Everything Your Relatives Fear About Berkeley

Posted on March 25, 2023March 26, 2023 by: Abhi Ganesh

‘Ryanair Is SO Cheap’ and 2 Other Ways to Act Like Your Spring Break in Europe Hasn’t Put You in Financial Ruin

  • Home
  • Berkeley
  • Local News
  • Quizzes
  • The Pit
  • Join Us!
  • Masthead
  • Contact

Category: Local News

Posted on April 6, 2022 by: Tohar Zamir

As Gasoline Prices Soar, Should I Stop Huffing It? Our Experts Say No.

The price of gasoline has skyrocketed in recent days, burning a weirdly irresistible smelling hole in consumers’ wallets. I have been particularly hard-hit; no, I …

Continue Reading
Posted on April 5, 2022April 5, 2022 by: JoJo Wool-Baum

UC Berkeley WarnMe: AVOID THE AREA OF Doe Library (I’m There and Look Really Good, so I Don’t Want You to Feel Bad)

Please note this message will definitely contain information that you will find upsetting. On 04-04-2022 08:30:00, I looked hot outside Doe Library. At approximately 09:25:00, …

Continue Reading
Posted on April 2, 2022 by: Shane Pauker

Daily Campanile Concerts Renamed “Clock and Bell Torture”

BERKELEY, Calif. — UC Berkeley will rebrand its daily carillon performances to attract a younger, edgier audience, according to an official statement made by the …

Continue Reading
Posted on April 1, 2022April 1, 2022 by: Vyoma Raman

Student Miraculously Cured After Professor Deems Them “Not Really Disabled”

BERKELEY, Calif. – After years of begging for disability accommodations, campus super-senior Ash Jensen was miraculously cured of their chronic illness when their philosophy professor …

Continue Reading
Posted on March 31, 2022March 31, 2022 by: Ajay Madala

Frat Almost Kills Pledge as “Postmodern Commentary on Excess and Hedonism of Contemporary Society”

BERKELEY, Calif. — Following a recent hazing incident in which a freshman pledge almost died, Tau Gamma Rho junior and HR representative Bryce Chuck claimed …

Continue Reading
Posted on March 30, 2022 by: Maya Howard

Putin and Carol Christ Share Enthused Fist Bump Over Displacement of Innocent People

BERKELEY, Calif. — During a surprise visit to the Bay Area, Russian President Vladimir Putin and UC Berkeley Chancellor Carol Christ met to discuss the …

Continue Reading
Posted on March 23, 2022 by: Tyler Goldstein

Republican Informs Guy Robbing Him He Doesn’t Have to Wear a Mask Anymore

BERKELEY, Calif. — A Republican man robbed at gunpoint earlier today reported that his assailant refused to take off his mask, despite the fact that …

Continue Reading
Posted on March 22, 2022April 22, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Student in Intro to Tamil Suddenly Feels Pressure to Pronounce His Own Name Correctly

BERKELEY, Calif.— “Oh God, oh fuck,” were the only words sophomore Tirunavukkarasar Thamilselvan could muster last Wednesday when he was suddenly asked to pronounce his …

Continue Reading
Posted on March 19, 2022 by: Tohar Zamir

End of an Era: Carol Christ’s Voice Actor Has Been Fired

BERKELEY, Calif.—Shock and heartbreak swept through the City of Berkeley as UC Regents announced that Carol Christ’s longstanding voice actor, Eden Zalahmi, will not be …

Continue Reading
Posted on March 19, 2022 by: schaudhury253

Study Finds the Caffe Strada Barista Hates You Specifically

BERKELEY, Calif. — Upon collecting data from multiple Strada Baristas, scientist Riya Chatterjee has confirmed that the Caffe Strada Baristas hate you specifically. “No, the …

Continue Reading

Posts navigation

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 … 17

Search

Top Posts & Pages

  • Opinion: It’s Technically Only ‘Shackles and Champagne’ if They’re From the Champagne Region of France. Otherwise, You Have to Call Them Sparkling Wine and Zip Ties.
    Opinion: It’s Technically Only ‘Shackles and Champagne’ if They’re From the Champagne Region of France. Otherwise, You Have to Call Them Sparkling Wine and Zip Ties.
  • Report: Arnold's Death On The Magic School Bus Is Responsible For Every Single Teenage & Young Adult Problem
    Report: Arnold's Death On The Magic School Bus Is Responsible For Every Single Teenage & Young Adult Problem
  • Frank Ocean Emerges From Hiatus to Clarify That He Was Referring to Berkeley City College in Infamous "Novacane" Lyric
    Frank Ocean Emerges From Hiatus to Clarify That He Was Referring to Berkeley City College in Infamous "Novacane" Lyric
  • Alvin, Of “Chipmunks” Fame, Dead of Fentanyl Overdose
    Alvin, Of “Chipmunks” Fame, Dead of Fentanyl Overdose
  • Danger Alert: This DKE Member Just Called You ‘The GOAT’
    Danger Alert: This DKE Member Just Called You ‘The GOAT’
  • Please Don't Read This, I'm Too Shy
    Please Don't Read This, I'm Too Shy
  • OPINION: Wait, Did WALL-E Ever Fuck That Sexy Little Robot Eve?
    OPINION: Wait, Did WALL-E Ever Fuck That Sexy Little Robot Eve?
  • Campus Curbs Spread of Misinformation by Simply Not Providing Any Information
    Campus Curbs Spread of Misinformation by Simply Not Providing Any Information
  • Berkeley Student Unable to Enroll in Happiness Until Phase 2
    Berkeley Student Unable to Enroll in Happiness Until Phase 2
  • The Disgusting Truth: bCourses Confetti From Assignment Submission Not Compostable
    The Disgusting Truth: bCourses Confetti From Assignment Submission Not Compostable

Our Facebook

Our Facebook
Copyright © 2023 The Free Peach All Rights Reserved | Magpaper by Theme Palace