SAN FRANCISCO — Jessica Swan, who recently moved to SF to join “X,” formerly known as Twitter, formerly a usable website, was shocked to discover …
BART to Change Frequency to ‘Fuck You, it Just Left’
OAKLAND, Calif. – Facing a major financial crisis, Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) has continued its trend of decreasing frequency of service. While the first …
‘Listen to Black Voices!’ Says White Man With Dreadlocks
FREMONT, Calif. – Black History Month has inspired conversations on Black issues—especially on how to best serve and represent the community. To see the range …
Big Al’s Reveals Hot New Flavored Vape: ‘Cigarettes’
BERKELEY, Calif. – While most other smoke shops have seen a loss in profits due to the passage of SB 793 prohibiting the sale of …
Man Realizes ‘Situationship’ is Not a Consulting Club Term
BERKELEY, Calif. — A shocking revelation struck Sproul Plaza this afternoon when certified “label-hater” Noah Stringson, attempting to reconcile with his pseudo-girlfriend, discovered that the …
51B Scares Passengers for Halloween by Arriving On Time
BERKELEY, Calif. – In a truly terrifying turn of events earlier tonight, the 51B arrived: not two minutes early, not twenty-seven minutes late, but exactly …
REPORT: Person Who Sat Next to You on 51B Personally Liked Your Vibe
BERKELEY, Calif. – Latest research conducted by the voices in your head has concluded that your fellow passenger – who sat right next to you …
Harambe Moment? This Family Just Left Their Child Unattended in Doe
BERKELEY, Calif – In a moment of parental ignorance and confusion, the Smith family left their 9-year-old son unattended in Doe. “It all happened so …
Berkeley Commemorates Anniversary of Free Speech Movement by Arresting Activists
BERKELEY, Calif.– In commemoration of the upcoming 59th anniversary of the Free Speech Movement, the City of Berkeley has capitalized on nostalgia for simpler times …
‘I Feel Seen,’ Says Straight White Woman at Pride
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. – In a time when LGBTQ+ rights are under attack by policymakers and elected officials, local straight white woman Mackenzie Thompson attended …