BERKELEY, Calif – In a moment of parental ignorance and confusion, the Smith family left their 9-year-old son unattended in Doe.
“It all happened so quickly. We took Bradley around to see all the exhib—sorry, libraries—to see the students in their natural habitats. But we were so busy observing that we didn’t see the ‘please do not feed students’ sign. Unfortunately, Bradley is only 9 and cannot read, and he offered one of them a 15-dollar cookie from Strada. In a split second, the students grabbed hold of him. The next thing I knew, Bradley was glued to a chair, listening to lofi, and occasionally looking off in the distance pretending to think of something.”
At press time, Bradley continued to exhibit pack behaviors as he unsuccessfully attempted to fit a laptop charger into an outlet.