BERKELEY, Calif. – Latest research conducted by the voices in your head has concluded that your fellow passenger – who sat right next to you on the 51B – was deeply enthralled by your vibe.
“They were just sitting on the 51B minding their own business, dressed head-to-toe in a newly-bought outfit from Anastasia’s while looking wistfully out the bus window,” explained Dee LewJin, a supportive yet sometimes misleading source. “At the Telegraph and Durant stop, a deluge of students boarded the bus, and one noticed their original ‘little top, big pants’ fit, the 90s shoegaze blasting through their AirPods, the quirky stickers on their water bottle, and most importantly, that effortless air of cool maintained by purposeful avoidance of eye contact. For a brief yet intense moment, almost as if pushed by the invisible force of a crowd on a busy bus, she rushed forward and placed herself in the seat right next to them. It was the most joy they’d felt in ages since someone ‘added on to their point’ in discussion,” continued LewJin, growing increasingly animated with excitement.
When asked about her motivations for her seating choice, the other passenger in question corroborated Dee LewJin’s research.
“Um, I don’t really know how to answer that. There weren’t any other seats left and I usually choose to sit next to who would make me the least uncomfortable and be least likely to talk to me. They seemed very meek and like they were minding their own business. I guess that’s why,” divulged Bee Forreel, a junior at Cal and frequent rider of the 51B. “If you really want me to expand on that then maybe I sit next to people who make me feel less threatened, especially on public transportation,” expanded Forreel, expressing her fervent desire to become friends with you due to your nonchalant, model off-duty vibes.
While this type of research is new to the discipline, other studies are emerging daily, with many academics presenting similar results. At press time, five similar reports have been released by Dee LewJin’s colleagues after you rode the 51B to your lectures this week.