BERKELEY, Calif. – In a truly terrifying turn of events earlier tonight, the 51B arrived: not two minutes early, not twenty-seven minutes late, but exactly on time. Several passengers have passed out in fear due to this chilling jumpscare.

The incident has sent shockwaves through Alameda County as the supernatural timing of the bus’s arrival has left residents questioning the very fabric of reality.

“If the bus is on time, what next?” wept frequent passenger and Turning Point USA member Jennifer Taxct, waving her Clipper Card back and forth to stave off invisible demons. “Highway repair? Subsidized healthcare? Student loan forgiveness? We’re not communist Europeans.

Public transport authorities have been quick to downplay the incident. 

“There’s a logical explanation for this, I promise,” explained AC Transit general manager Tren O’ntyme. “Perhaps it’s all just a fun Halloween coincidence. I can tell you all don’t believe me because I’m wearing a mysterious cape and keep hissing at people like Gollum, but trust me.”

At press time, UC Berkeley students were found processing the shocking event on the bus during their routinely scheduled deeply personal phone calls to friends and family, letting the speakerphone echo within the confined space for all passengers to enjoy.

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