BERKELEY, Calif. – After the massive success of UC Berkeley’s ‘Zero Waste by 2020’ campaign, the university’s administration has announced that it will be pulling …
Turning Point USA Holds Rally Against Liberal Arts
BERKELEY, Calif. – Protesting the greatest liberal conspiracy since the 2020 election, a group of passionate students from Turning Point USA took to Sproul this morning. …
Canvas Throws Me a Fucking Rager for Submitting 40-Day-Late Assignment
You may know me as an academic weapon — and you’d be absolutely correct. I’ve made lots of close friends over my academic career, and …
Man Realizes ‘Situationship’ is Not a Consulting Club Term
BERKELEY, Calif. — A shocking revelation struck Sproul Plaza this afternoon when certified “label-hater” Noah Stringson, attempting to reconcile with his pseudo-girlfriend, discovered that the …
51B Scares Passengers for Halloween by Arriving On Time
BERKELEY, Calif. – In a truly terrifying turn of events earlier tonight, the 51B arrived: not two minutes early, not twenty-seven minutes late, but exactly …
‘It’s Hell for You,’ Decides Jesus, After You Press ‘No Tip’ on iPad
BERKELEY, Calif. – An all-knowing being came to a conclusion this morning when you made the life-damning decision of pressing ‘No Tip’ on the iPad. …