BERKELEY, Calif. — An investigative report led by renowned geneticist Professor Jennifer Doudna has revealed after rigorous research and genome sequencing that the infamous “sexy cat” is actually just UC Berkeley student Jennifur Pawl. Doudna revealed that the image, which has gone viral on various social platforms, is Pawl at Sig Nu’s Halloween Spectacular, wearing lingerie, furry black ears, and a tail (still unclear whether it was attached internally or externally). Several influencers, sorority sisters, and Furries at Berkeley (@berkeleyfurries) were cashing in on the viral craze. 

But after peeling back the layers of misinformation, Doudna discerned an uncomfortable truth. 

 “Attending UC Berkeley already implies this imposter would not be ‘sexy.’ Far worse, however, is the finding that Pawl is unmistakably human.  This is quite simply the worst case of misinformation I have ever seen,” said Doudna, discussing the report. “It’s part of a disturbing trend where people think they can use dress-up as an excuse to pretend to be other races, cultures, and species. The proliferation of social media has made normalizing these insidious campaigns even easier, and Pawl should be outright ashamed.” 

Pawl refused to comment, preferring instead to piss on a tree.

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