BERKELEY, Calif. – Despite taking the necessary precautions as advised by the Berkeley Police Department, local parent Dray Ner was mortified to find that their 7-year-old child came home from trick or treating with Swedish Cloud Rapper Bladee.
“I had heard so many stories from other parents but I can’t believe this happened to our family,” explained Ner while posting about the incident on Next Door. “We moved here two years ago because we were looking for safety from having to hear Drain Gang songs such as “Be Nice 2 Me” being played by young people with septum piercings in public. But once again, the unsafe Bay Area strikes again. What’s next? Is my child going to go to a school assembly and see Playboi Carti diving into the crowd like the Die Lit album cover?”
To the dismay of fearsome local families, there may not be an end in sight. According to BPD officer Jim Thumbface, Bladee’s confectionery sighting is far from unique.
“It’s an absolute shame. Ever since Eversince came out, we’ve seen a slow but exponential rise in the appearance of Bladee in Halloween candy,” noted Thumbface while posting his tenth meme of the day to r/hiphopheadscirclejerk. “The problem has expanded beyond him to include Ecco2k and even Thaiboy Digital. Look, I’m as much of a Drainer as the next guy but this is America and there is a limit on how much Sweden-based rap one can consume.”
Following this ordeal, Ner’s 7-year-old child was found listening to Lil B which she called “worshiping the Based God.”