Every time I’m with a man, he tells me that he loves playing with my boobs or that my butt is perfect. I’m so tired of not being valued for more. Why can’t they compliment me for my left labia?
Opinion: The Fecund Melisma of Saturnine Parlance Is An Enervated Corpus Delicti of Contemporary Ontological Praxis (By That Guy From Section)
We’re all thinking it, but I guess I have to be the one to say it: the fecund melisma of saturnine parlance is an enervated corpus delicti of modern ontological praxis.
Your Weekend Horoscope
Mercury is in flavortown and you know what that means… The Free Peach does horoscopes now! You’re welcome. Scroll for your weekend horoscope!
The Official Ranking of My Roommates (Spoiler Alert: Rebecca is the Fucking Worst)
Olivia is a gem of a roommate: she’s neat, considerate, very quiet when getting ready in the morning, and one time she bought you that Black Bottom muffin from Strada just because she thought of you. We love Olivia, and every day we thank the lord that she is who she is, and not Rebecca.
BREAKING: Spike In Incest Porn Popularity After The Release of Frozen 2 Trailer
The clues are all there. In the new trailer, Anna and Elsa are shown venturing into the “Forbidden Forest.” You know what else is considered “forbidden”? INCEST!
Frat Row is Haunted by the Tiny Ghosts of Thousands of Goldfishes Swallowed by KA Pledges, and We Hired a Team of Paranormal Investigators to Prove it
As this publication is renowned for its hard-hitting investigative journalism, The Free Peach hired a team of paranormal investigators to assess the situation.
A Letter to MY Editor: Please Stop Asking Me To Write This Article, I Literally Have The Flu
Look, I know what you’re gonna say, Amanda. I know you’ll say “Maeve you can take the week off” or “Don’t worry about it! I’d rather you feel better” or even, “Please Maeve, please stop texting me your fever-induced ideas for articles.”
We’re Pretty Sure the Football Team Is Doing Well, but None of Our Writers Are Qualified to Write About It
I know that UC Berkeley has done poorly in football in the past, so this new trend of “winning” is confusing new territory for everybody on staff.
Forest Witch Getting Into Meal Prep Thinks She’ll Save Gretel For Dinner Friday
“I couldn’t keep myself from fattening, roasting, and devouring every single child that happened upon my gingerbread house as soon as they fell for my trap. I had terrible impulse control, and it was starting to affect my cholesterol.”
I’m Not Like Other Girls— I Have Ringworm
I don’t have sex with strangers or “smoke weed,” okay? I don’t need to. I have ringworm.