What do you see when you look at me? A girl, just like all the girls you’ve seen before? Well, you’re wrong, you fucking chauvinist. I’m not like any of the girls you know— not even close. You might think I am, but I’m not. I’m different. I’m better. I have ringworm. 

When you meet me, you might be surprised or even astonished at how unconventional I am. I don’t drink or go to parties. I don’t have sex with strangers or “smoke weed,” okay? I don’t need to. I have ringworm. I got ringworm from a stray cat I found in the dumpster behind Sunrise Deli. When I tried to pick up the cat, it scratched up my ankles and rubbed its ringworm lesions all over my open wounds. I’m DIFFERENT. But I guess guys these days only want trashy hoes who take selfies.   

You probably think that I am a fucking psychopath with crazy mental problems because I don’t listen to shitty music like Post Malone or The Chainsmokers, but rather to good bands like Fall Out Boy and 21 Pilots. I don’t even bother taking prescription medication to mitigate the fungal infection that ringworm has unleashed on the outer layer of my epidermis. This is just one more thing that proves that I’m just a different kind of girl. 

Most girls just love to wear slutty clothes and makeup. But not me. I don’t even know what makeup is, to be honest. I wear sweatpants and hoodies to prevent the transmission of ringworm. And I don’t have “girl drama.” I’m one of the dudes. When most girls start drama and yell at me because I used their towel and left it on the rack, allowing the ringworm fungus to incubate within the fibers, that’s when I just laugh and think, “you stupid idiot bitch. Read a Shakespeare book.” I am just not really demanding or dramatic like most girls. 

Basically, what I am trying to say is that I’m not really like most girls who corn-form to society standards (corn-forming is when you do what society wants you do, like corn forms into a kind of cone shape because of society and farming). Most girls are fucking idiot sluts who should die, but I’m not like them because, as I have stated many times, I have ringworm. 

Article by Anya Mansoor

@anyamansoor on Twitter

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