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Everything Your Relatives Fear About Berkeley

Posted on September 23, 2023 by: Jackie Fenner

To Those Ordering a ‘Flat White’ at Yali’s: I Am NOT on the Menu

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Category: The Pit

Posted on March 21, 2023 by: Aidan Praytor

OPINION: The Granola Bar in my Backpack has been to as Many Classes as I Have, it Should at Least Get a Minor in Something

You know that granola bar that’s been at the bottom of your backpack since late August? The one you threw in your bag before class …

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Posted on September 11, 2022 by: Vyoma Raman

The Most Accurate Horoscopes Ever

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
You will not have another birthday.

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Posted on April 29, 2022 by: Shane Pauker

How to Block Out the Sound of Your Stepdad Railing Your Mom

Listen. I get that mom’s been lonely since dad disappeared. I’m happy that she’s putting herself out there. Alden treats her well and is good …

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Posted on April 29, 2022April 29, 2022 by: Courtney Yee

I Gave DuoMobile All My Cookies to Sign In and Now I Don’t Have Any Left for My Mouse

If you need to verify your identity, you will need to sign in with DuoMobile. When you open DuoMobile, it says you will have to …

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Posted on April 15, 2022April 15, 2022 by: Tyler Goldstein

Overworked Daily Cal Writer Didn’t Want to Be Saved

Let me paint you a picture. Every single week, you have to write a 500-plus word article (with verified sources!) that maybe four people other …

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Posted on April 8, 2022 by: Shane Pauker

OPINION: Don’t Use Piazza Unless You Studied in Rome

I get it. You want to learn, so you ask questions. Here’s the thing, buddy: the only thing you need to learn is how to …

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Posted on March 17, 2022 by: tomwickline

Hypocrite Alert: Berkeley Administration is All About “Student Wellness” Until I Need a Wire Transfer of $12,000 Immediately So I Don’t Get Both of My Legs Broken by Donnie “Thumbs” Carlo

Day after day, Berkeley students’ inboxes are flooded with emails referencing  “Berkeley Student Well-Being.” Campus administrators seem to be incredibly invested in the students’ livelihoods, …

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Posted on March 12, 2022 by: Tohar Zamir

OPINION: I’m Not Gaslighting You, I’m Just Lying

Hey babe, I saw the rant you posted to your finsta story, and I had no idea you thought I was gaslighting you. The truth …

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Posted on March 9, 2022March 9, 2022 by: Ajay Madala

OPINION: Despite My Grandma Saying I Am “A Very Handsome Boy,” I Am Currently Single

War. Wealth Inequality. Broken McDonalds ice cream machines. These issues pale in comparison to the true tragedy of the 21st century, the fact that I …

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Posted on January 2, 2022 by: schaudhury253

New Year’s Resolutions For Each Major

As we reflect on how we can be better in 2022 (which wouldn’t be hard considering the pieces of shit we collectively were in 2021), …

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