I have bangs and glasses. I play the ukulele. And I have four pairs of overalls.
A Day In The Life of the FBI Man In My Webcam
The American public is under constant surveillance, and social media only aids in these pursuits. Mark Zuckerberg is sitting on a huge cache of my …
Mastering The Art of Asking A Question That’s Actually a Statement — A Manifesto
My peers ask me this all the time. “Why can’t you just ask a question like everybody else?” and “Why do you insist on taking up space?”
I Talk So Much In Section Because I Must Preserve America’s Democracy: By Every Male Political Science Major
Some people can’t handle the discourse I inspire. Okay, fine, you made me say it – these people are usually women.
Opinion: I Refuse to be Bullied for my Chunky White Filas
Some claim that the size of our sneaker is an overcompensation for qualities we lack elsewhere, yet this could not lean further from the truth. If anything, the weight of our Filas make us even more grounded than ever before
My 5th grader hates me because I’m a Classic Yellow Wood-Cased Ticonderoga No.2 Pencil and not a Paper Mate Clearpoint Mechanical Pencil :(
My owner’s name is Billy! He is a 5th grader at Newbury Park Elementary School and he loves drawing and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches …
“How Can Medieval Knights Continue Making The Same Tactical Blunders And Expect Different Outcomes?” Says Poli Sci Student Texting Ex During Lecture
Making the same silly mistakes over and over again without ever learning or changing. I would never do something so stupid.
Anyway, today I texted Brad.
Opinion: The Fecund Melisma of Saturnine Parlance Is An Enervated Corpus Delicti of Contemporary Ontological Praxis (By That Guy From Section)
We’re all thinking it, but I guess I have to be the one to say it: the fecund melisma of saturnine parlance is an enervated corpus delicti of modern ontological praxis.
A Letter to MY Editor: Please Stop Asking Me To Write This Article, I Literally Have The Flu
Look, I know what you’re gonna say, Amanda. I know you’ll say “Maeve you can take the week off” or “Don’t worry about it! I’d rather you feel better” or even, “Please Maeve, please stop texting me your fever-induced ideas for articles.”
I’m Not Like Other Girls— I Have Ringworm
I don’t have sex with strangers or “smoke weed,” okay? I don’t need to. I have ringworm.