As we reflect on how we can be better in 2022 (which wouldn’t be hard considering the pieces of shit we collectively were in 2021), …
Girl With December Birthday Feels a Little Upstaged by Jesus
BERKELEY, Calif. – UC Berkeley sophomore Alice Cunningham was disappointed to learn that Christmas was within three days of her upcoming birthday. “Sometimes, I really …
5 Signs You’re a Virgo
Being a Berkeley student involves many rites of passage— skipping GBO after the third day, your republican uncle murmuring something about you wasting your education …
BREAKING: I Am Free This Saturday If Anyone Wants to Hang Out
BERKELEY, Calif. – According to sources on the Free Peach, accomplished and popular writer Tom Wickline has his schedule open all day this Saturday. This …
Fuck, There Went All Our “We Lost” Jokes
STANFORD, Calif.- Despite the best efforts of the Stanford Football Team and COVID-19, somehow the Bears clutched a narrow 41-11 victory this weekend. “I just …
OPINION: You Call That Big Game?
So I guess Stanford and Berkeley are duking it out on the gridiron again. Whoop-de-doo. A team with a 3-6 record is going up against …
OPINION: Moffitt Seismic Upgrade to Accommodate the Tremors of My Thicc Ass
Recently, university staff have announced that Moffitt, the beloved school library and best place for crying before finals, will be closed for the Spring 2022 …
OPINION: The Berkeley Thai House Combo Was Written by a Woman
Last week at Berkeley Thai House, as I sat beneath the cherry-blossom canopy, listening to the sweet sound of the fountains, and spending the last …
OPINION: “Midterm Season” Is a Scam Created by Big Academia to Sell More Exams
As temperatures plummet and the trees on Sproul grow as barren as my social calendar, I know that the seasons have changed. In fact, I …
Top 2 Campus Fountains I Have Vomited In
Few things unify the Berkeley student body. Sure, rushedly ignoring Sproul donut salespeople, feeling despair at missing the 51B, and regretting trying that new Trader …