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Month: January 2022

Posted on January 29, 2022January 31, 2022 by: Tyler Goldstein

Biden Infrastructure Bill Enables Berkeley to Finally Build a Second Two-Way Street

BERKELEY, Calif. — Anticipating infrastructure improvements from President Biden’s Build Back Better Act, Berkeley Mayor Jesse Arreguín has promised to use the new funding to …

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Posted on January 26, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Expanded RSF Now Offers Over 25 Different Kinds Of Waits

BERKELEY, Calif. — In an effort to expand the range of available workout options, the Recreational Sports Facility announced Monday that it will now offer …

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Posted on January 13, 2022 by: Valmic Mukund

Frat Bro’s Wrist Sore After Thunderous Slap From Campus Administration

BERKELEY, Calif. – Sigma Alpha Epsilon recruiter Trey Treyson reported a sore wrist after a slightly-harder-than-usual slap from university administration Friday morning. “Bruh! This is …

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Posted on January 8, 2022 by: amychakladar

Carol Christ Throws It Back

BERKELEY, Calif. — In an unprecedented turn of precedented events, Chancellor Christ has announced that classes will be online for the first two weeks of …

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Posted on January 8, 2022January 8, 2022 by: anniebushh

European Country “Not Ready” For These Three Kappa Sisters

MADRID — “Please, please, God no!” Spanish border officials proclaimed Thursday after being forced to process repeated threats via Instagram story emerging from various Cal …

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Posted on January 6, 2022January 6, 2022 by: lyamashir01

Tragic: Hometown Tinder

SAN FRANCISCO — Nationwide, college students home for the holidays have dared to attempt one of the bravest and horniest activities known to humankind. Psychologists …

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Posted on January 2, 2022 by: schaudhury253

New Year’s Resolutions For Each Major

As we reflect on how we can be better in 2022 (which wouldn’t be hard considering the pieces of shit we collectively were in 2021), …

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