BERKELEY, Calif. — Anticipating infrastructure improvements from President Biden’s Build Back Better Act, Berkeley Mayor Jesse Arreguín has promised to use the new funding to build a second two-way street in South Berkeley.

“It’s incredible what we will be able to do with this new funding,” reported Mayor Arreguín as he jaywalked across Telegraph Avenue. “Until now I’ve been worried that if we spent our money on painting yellow lines in the middle of another street, we wouldn’t be able to hire lawyers to block attempts at eliminating single-family zoning laws. But with this new money, we can make sure to keep the people of Berkeley safe and comfortable and enable them to drive in two directions.” 

Cal student and local driver Bonnie Mayter gave her thoughts on the news.

“This is a tremendous blessing. I hope they use the funding to remove all those weird cement cubes that are blocking every other street too. And the one-way signs. And the weird signs that say ‘NO HW,’ whatever that means. Right now it’s almost like the city and university want people to eschew the car-dependent hellscape that mid-century idealism brought us, or, like, something. Good thing the bill can change that!”

At press time, UCPD were turning a blind eye as local cyclists got hit by cars swerving into bike lanes in both directions.


Photo courtesy of PxHere.

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