BERKELEY, Calif. — Lay’s newest flavor, CRISPR chips, are spreading across the nation and quickly becoming America’s favorite potato chip. “You know when you’re drinking …
Maybe We Should Actually Not Call It Dead Week This Year
While the Berkeley administration has been trying for years to change the name of Dead Week, they have never been successful in their pursuit. Reading, …
Crime Reported: 31,000 Students Robbed of In Person Semester
UC Berkeley Police Department Please note this message definitely contains information. I mean like, we’re using italics. You know shit’s serious when an email starts …
Texas GOP Models Voter Registration Website Off Berkeley Academic Guide to Suppress Votes
AUSTIN, Texas — With early voting in Texas shattering records, the Secretary of State of Texas has decided to model the voter registration website off …
Clark Kerr Freshman Reports Understanding Poverty for First Time After Running Out of Flex Dollars Mid-Semester
BERKELEY, Calif. — Julia White, a freshman living at Clark Kerr who recently ran out of flex dollars, reported that, for the first time in …
BCR President Eagerly Files Lawsuit After Eric Trump Prohibited to Speak at Campus
BERKELEY, Calif. — Berkeley College Republicans President Chase Thompson announced he is filing a lawsuit against UC Berkeley for preventing Eric Trump from speaking at …
Men’s Rights Activists Announce the Opening of El Burrito Across the Street From La Burrita
BERKELEY, Calif. — This morning the Berkeley Meninist Collective (BMC) announced the opening of their new Mexican restaurant, El Burrito, directly across the street from …
UC Berkeley Announces Add/Drop Deadline Revenue Will Fund Zipline Down Bancroft
BERKELEY, Calif. — Confirming everybody’s long-held assumptions that most extraneous university fees are driven by greed, UC Berkeley announced this morning that the thousands of …
Trump Slams Bane in Tweet For Issuing Mask Mandate, Abolishing Gotham Police
GOTHAM — President Trump attacked Bane in a furious tweet earlier this morning over his recent decisions to issue a mandatory mask mandate in Gotham. …
Late Night Texts from UCBWarnMe Making it Hard for Quarantined Cal Student to Get Over Not Being with Campus Anymore
Like many of the other quarantined Cal students, Christine Waters had spent many nights missing campus. She was handling the break-up pretty well for a …