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Posted on May 14, 2022 by: Shane Pauker

Crowd Cheers as Acoustic Guitar Players Fight for Dominance of the Glade

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Tag: Tyler Goldstein

Posted on April 15, 2022April 15, 2022 by: Tyler Goldstein

Overworked Daily Cal Writer Didn’t Want to Be Saved

Let me paint you a picture. Every single week, you have to write a 500-plus word article (with verified sources!) that maybe four people other …

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Posted on March 23, 2022 by: Tyler Goldstein

Republican Informs Guy Robbing Him He Doesn’t Have to Wear a Mask Anymore

BERKELEY, Calif. — A Republican man robbed at gunpoint earlier today reported that his assailant refused to take off his mask, despite the fact that …

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Posted on February 24, 2022 by: Tyler Goldstein

Berkeley to Have Small College Feel After Court Caps Enrollment at 42,347 People

BERKELEY, Calif. — After a recent court ruling capped UC Berkeley enrollment to 42,347 students, some Cal students are rejoicing that the university will finally …

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Posted on February 8, 2022 by: Tyler Goldstein

Astrology Added to Side of VLSB

BERKELEY, Calif. — The University of California has decided that, alongside chemistry, biology, and, unsurprisingly, biochemistry, the Valley Life Sciences Building (VLSB) should have a …

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Posted on January 29, 2022January 31, 2022 by: Tyler Goldstein

Biden Infrastructure Bill Enables Berkeley to Finally Build a Second Two-Way Street

BERKELEY, Calif. — Anticipating infrastructure improvements from President Biden’s Build Back Better Act, Berkeley Mayor Jesse Arreguín has promised to use the new funding to …

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Posted on December 4, 2021 by: Tyler Goldstein

5 Signs You’re a Virgo

Being a Berkeley student involves many rites of passage— skipping GBO after the third day, your republican uncle murmuring something about you wasting your education …

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Posted on November 20, 2021 by: Tyler Goldstein

“Strong” Armed Robber Can’t Even Open Taco Bell Cantina Door

BERKELEY, Calif. — Notorious strong-armed robber Burlap Sachs was arrested this evening while struggling to open the door to the Taco Bell Cantina on Durant …

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Posted on November 10, 2021November 10, 2021 by: Tyler Goldstein

Garbers Comes Out Against Testing, Including His English Final

BERKELEY, Calif.  — In a difficult-to-parse Twitter rant posted earlier today, Berkeley quarterback Chase Garbers came out against both COVID testing and, for some reason, …

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Posted on November 1, 2021March 2, 2022 by: Tyler Goldstein

Top 13 Berkeley-Themed Halloween Costumes

1. Slutty Oski Oski is the scariest mascot in America. He eats children, students, and parents alike. He terrifies the other football team, though not …

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Posted on October 23, 2021October 23, 2021 by: Tyler Goldstein

David Card Wins Nobel Prize in Economics for Proving $5 Is Too Much for a Slice of Pizza

BERKELEY, Calif. — UC Berkeley economics professor David Card recently won the Nobel Prize in economics for proving that many universally known truths are, in …

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